Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Lessons from the Buffet Table

“When people tell you something, a sort of a feedback, do you accept, ignore or get affected by it in any way, positively or negatively? I have learned how, it’s just like getting ready to have a buffet meal.”
This was a part of my discussion with my weekend class. I realized my trainees couldn’t digest the metaphor on feedback vs. buffet. Therefore I added,
“How do we sift through peoples many opinions solicited and non-solicited? Most of the time, people’s opinions differ from each other and there is no way to follow each and every advice that we get. This often leaves us confused.”
At least with this explanation, my trainees found a bit ray of hope. Yes, our teacher is sober! Wanting to explicitly state my point rather being implied, I carried on,
“Would you agree with me that we cannot please everyone?”
With their nods, I figured they agreed with my question.
“So why try anyway? When people throw their opinions and advice at me, I take into heart that they have the best intention for me to be better. Like going into a buffet meal, I cannot eat everything served on the buffet table. I just pick out the things that I would want to eat and would satisfy my hunger.”
At this moment, they seemed interested and have figured out the message.
“Let us just try to be picky with advice and choose very well on what to accept just like what we want to pick and eat at the buffet table. After all, it’s your appetite that you want to satisfy and your tummy that you would want to fill.”
I love to conduct trainings. It gives me a chance to teach myself while teaching others. While I was cooking up the training, I was able to give myself a sweet taste of life’s lessons. It’s amazing how I give myself some surprises every single day. Never would have I imagined to get a lesson from the buffet table. Happy Eating!

Monday, June 6, 2011

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WINNING


I miss blogging! FYI
Most of the writers have been on Sabbatical for personal reasons. I have been away because I was busy winning.
Funny how life’s many different thinkers have views on winning. Others would prod you to give your best shot, win it all and grab the biggest trophy. Others say that it’s not the winning that matters but how you play the game.
Which leaves me to realize that indeed there are many relative things in life – this includes winning?
See, whether you finish the race or you get the biggest trophy; IT’S STILL ABOUT THE WINNING.
Two lessons which I have learned recently and wish to share this with you.
  1. Life prepares you into whatever situation you will be in. So you are armed with the right experience, values, and mind-set whether in success or failure.
Months back I have written in my journal…”Not all battles are meant to be fought and it doesn’t matter that you win it all. It’s more of embracing reality to make peace with oneself.” Sonya
Now why would I write something like that? Well, because indeed life prepared me for something which I was not expecting.
  1. The only way to win is to keep trying.
Probably some wise thinker has already said this before and I humbly borrow this line to be my own personal mantra.
It’s not only about joining a competition that I have perceived winning to be with, but it is also with the many aspects of life. Situations, friends and career can be quite a challenge sometimes but I am confident that no matter what comes, life has already prepared me for it and all I need to do is to keep on trying to win it. After all, IT’S ALL ABOUT THE WINNING.
Fyi, I feel great after blogging!
With all my love,
Sonya

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Thoughts that Sprang from the RNHS Batch 1979 32nd Reunion


Thoughts That Sprang from the RNHS Batch 1979 32nd Reunion
Thirty six years back, we were  pubescent boys and girls that stepped inside the grandiose and physically imposing Campus of what eventually  became our Alma Mater four years down the line.  From the confines of the relatively limited physical size  of our respective grade school locales,  I found it overwhelming to enter and walk inside a school Campus that is comparably gigantic in size and  populated by  students that cut across 4-year levels and coming from all the local units  that comprise the Municipality of Romblon, and even beyond.  The four walls of the Campus was witness to each one’s journey as we all took on the basic life’s tasks of building a sense of self and personal identity. Along the way, we formed relationships in our effort to define what we were, more in the context of collectivism than individuality.  I can vividly recall and with fondness as well quite a few gangs that came into being as a result of such an effort, i.e., MYREVE (Myra, Renati, Eve), BIMEBETH (Bibot, Melite, Beth),  the Bonggadera Girls (Mani, Ipin, Pinky, Nating, Eve, Cristy),  FLOREVE (which stands for Floro & Eve),   the inseparable  duo of Laling Malavega  & Josie  Rada, our own gang in 4th year, comprised of Ellen, D. Uy, Melot, Elma, Tots, Turoy, and myself), the 3 Aspirants- that is how I call it now (Dadong, Turoy, and myself), among others.   It made me chuckle as I recalled  all these gangs that were formed that helped us in one way or another  define our sense of self as puberty turning into adolescents.  The Campus saw the physical transformation of young boys and  girls in us into young gentlemen and ladies, where, as would be expected, the latter outpaced and outsized the former especially in the earlier phase.
Thirty two years back,  we  were senior students who were faced with the dilemma between  being quite hesitant to  leave an environment that nurtured and comforted us for four years  and being excited about treading the new phase of life after high school. In March 1979, we felt sad bidding our Alma Mater farewell while at the same time  fulfilled about having conquered  the second tier of educational attainment despite its incidental challenges and barriers.  Some of us were looking forward with much eagerness to college life, others dreamt and could only wish that they could go to college, and there were those who had to or decided to, whether circumstantial or planned, enter into a marital state of life.
What would come after this would seemingly be a series of unending reunions whether in a large or small scale, official or unofficial. The idea of reunions appeals differently to graduates depending on their personal circumstances. In a general sense, those who judge themselves to be successful after schooling would look forward to being reunited with their batchmates while those who deem themselves otherwise may shun the occasion. On top of these, there are other reasons that are as peculiar as the individual is.  During such an occasion,  each one of us gets to be confronted with  common questions from our batchmates, such as: What did you finish? What is your work and where do you work? Are you married yet? Who and from where is your wife/husband? How many children do you have? This was the usual way of apprising each other during such an occasion.
Fast forward to 1989, 10 years after graduation, which by tradition in our school would be the first big ‘get together’ of the batch, Batch 79 held its first big reunion inside the Campus of our Alma Mater. I was not able to attend because it was summer break from school and it was the only time for me to do professional development related pursuits.  Then, 20 years from high school graduation, in May 1999, another grand reunion ensued.   That was the first instance I was able to participate. I remember that we kicked  off with our activities through a parade around the town followed by a Mass officiated by then Fr. Turoy, who after the Recessional Hymn led the batch in singing one of the batch’ fave songs “You Light Up My Life”. It was a joy seeing some batchmates for the first time after 20 years.
On a personal note,  let me intimate that basically I would prefer to shy away from attending reunions for a variety of personal reasons. I just do not feel comfortable being asked questions like “Are you married yet?”   To me, such questions constitute a form of social pressure that  I so despise. I find it disappointing that my batchmates or people in general  for no fault of their own may be can think of marriage as  the  only option that one has to take as he/she approaches a particular stage in life.   I find it difficult to explain that I am a non-conformist in this regard and in the microcosms that I have been part of for the last 20 years of my life, to be asked such questions is tantamount to having one’s human right being stepped into.  I hate the idea of having to defend my choices in life.  Hence, admittedly, I became quite distant for some time, preferring to manage my relationships only with a few, i.e., Wella, D. Uy, Pinky, Jo, Turoy, Pareng David, Mely, Osie, Baby, Joey, Selwyn, Nene, Jojo,  Van, Deo, Bendoy, Paeng (RIP), and Koka (RIP),  and perhaps a few names more.
It was just about quite lately when I decided to try to put my foot into the water again. For some time, I ignored Paul’s invite to me to join the Yahoo Group he set up for the Batch.  I am sure you noticed it Paul. However, the persistent prodding of Maggie in inviting me to be part of her FB contacts cornered me and made me raise both hands up. When she set up the FB Group for the Batch, I remember that in one of my first postings, Paul responded in a way that somehow knocked me down. In essence, he said he was glad to see me  part of the loop and his remark to the effect that ‘life is short, hence, we should set aside any ill feelings toward each other, and aspire to be happy’,   made me  re-examine my perspective on this whole matter about high school reunions. 
Thirty two years later, I feel very happy seeing the psychosocial transformation of the Batch both collectively and individually.  I am glad to note that the Group has matured tremendously as can be observed from what we decide upon and do to help batchmates in dire need of help, to mention one.  Our individual maturity  can be gleaned from how we  have been relating with each other, which has moved from superficiality to that of genuine care and concern, even if it is through cyberspace or face to face.  I am glad to note that seemingly we are all  taking the positive path as midlifers by creating or nurturing things that will outlast us, such as having children and rearing them  for most of us or creating a positive change that benefits others.  Each one of us took on different roles as we responded to God’s calling. Most responded to parenthood as a vocation while a few of us chose a celibate life. But despite our individuality,  besides being all children of God, one thing that commonly identifies us is we are all part of Batch 79 of RNHS (used to be RHS).  We have woven a  big common identity that binds us, hence, no more  labels such as Section Pearl, Diamonders, or Jade people, etc. While they remain positively alive in our memory, they now are parts of the whole that essentially is bigger than their summation. Most importantly,  I am happy to observe that each one has learned to regard the other  with RESPECT  and ACCEPTANCE and I urge everyone to continue doing so as any group devoid of  these two essentials  is bound to break apart.
Given my current circumstances, I was not able to take part in the 32nd Year reunion of our batch that took place from May 21-22, 2011 in Romblon, Philippines, and I know I missed a lot, as in a lot. Hence, I look forward to the opportunity to be part of the next undertaking to meet old friends, relive the good old days with them, and touch base with ‘long lost’ friends and acquaintances. 
Let us carry on my dear batchmates and if it is for the good of our Batch, you can count on me for support in my own little way.
Carpe Diem RNHS Batch 79!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

THOR: The Hour Of Righteousness

I was in Singapore last week to process my work visa and I had to wait for long hours before I could get back my passport with a visa stamp. Anyway, I decided to watch the movie Thor while waiting for the release of my passport.

Mighty Thor was the title of the cartoon super hero on television which I always watched when I was a child. I was always excited everytime I watched it back-to-back with the cartoon show Moby Dick. I couldn't help but feel the adrenalin rush into my body as a young fan of Mighty Thor watching his heroic deeds on the TV screen. The movie featured great sci-fi tricks and giant fight scenes. I felt that I was watching the Mighty Thor that I used to watch back then. I hate the feeling of having to go to the toilet while watching the movie. Hence, I tried to run as fast as I could so as not to miss any exciting highlights of it. Again, my adrenalin helped me do it.

The story was realistic and typical of many families with siblings who experience a lot of issues and conflicts. Anthony Quinn being the King, has exemplified an image of a father who was wise and firm with all his decisions. This is surely not an easy task to do for a father who loves his children so much and having to see them go through a painful process of learning.

Thor was punished by the King because of his attempt to overrule him by wanting to fight their enemies. The hammer was taken away from him and at the same time he was sent to planet earth powerless. According to the King, the hammer would only go to the righteous person, worthy of its great power and might. After all the pain, agony, and humiliation he hurdled, he redeemed himself from all his wrongdoings and became a worthy keeper of the powerful and mighty hammer.

It was “The Hour Of Righteousness” for Thor and he had to do what was right that time. He did not allow his brother to ruin everything and he even begged him to stop his evil plans. However, his brother was already succumbed by his ardent jealousy against Thor especially when he discovered that they were not real siblings. Instead of doing what was right, his brother decided to end his life and let go of everything. Thor felt devastated losing his brother and at the same time letting go of his personal desire to be with a woman he met on planet earth. He did it primarily because of his decision to protect his planet from the great havoc and catastrophe created by his brother. It was indeed a very difficult decision to make for Thor but he stood firm for what he believes is right and good for his people.

On my way home to Jakarta, I was immediately put into a human test. The driver who was supposed to pick me up at the airport was not there. Honestly, I felt quite upset about it but I let my EQ work for me. I decided to take a taxi and told the driver to take the fastest route going to my place. After few minutes, I just noticed that he passed by the long and winding road! Sounds like a song? It would surely cost me a lot considering that I didn't have much money. I started to question him and I caught myself up arguing with the driver in a very upset voice. In the process, I realized that I had to stop this inanity. I came into my senses when I remembered the story of Thor. Though I kept quiet and calmed down myself, the driver continued with his grotty talk. Nonetheless, I just allowed him to deliver his freedom speech. Good thing about it was that he spoke in a language which I don’t fully understand and it helped me not to engage further. It was tough knowing myself as a very assertive and outspoken person.

With all humility, it was “The Hour Of Righteousness” for me and I think I was able to do what was right. If not, I have surely ended up in a bad situation which could have resulted in more serious squabbles with the driver which I would definitely regret later on. Thanks to T.H.O.R. for reminding me to do what is right!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Xpat's World: Because of One Man

Xpat's World: Because of One Man: "Because of one man, we Filipinos, despite our divisiveness that is brought about by factors too many to enumerate, get united, at least even..."

Inang: My Loving and Faithful Mother

22 July 1923 was the day when Consorcia S. Maristanez was born. She was the eldest of three female siblings. She grew up from a poor family. She wanted to study but her parents cannot afford to send her to school. When she lost her parents, she lived with her uncle. She expressed her desire to study but she was ignored.

Growing up, she experienced a lot of pain, suffering, deprivation, and humiliation. She was treated like a domestic helper by her uncle. One day, she was crying like a child because she wanted something but they care less for her. She locked up herself in a little room full of rice sacks and she held herself up for long hours despite the extreme heat because of self pity and embarrassment. While she was eating, the wife of her uncle would fiercely look at her like she wanted to devour her. Helpless as she was, she continued eating while tears were effortlessly running down from her eyes. Because of the malevolent treatment she received from them, she begged for money like a mendicant on the street just to provide for her personal needs.
If she was only given a chance to study, she would have become one if not the most intelligent student in her class. She only finished Grade 3 but she was very good in numbers and at the same time so confident and smart to speak English. She would not feel shy to talk to anyone regardless of their status in life. She would usually utter the words, “How I wish I could have finished my studies and I would definitely have done well in school.” With her unfulfilled dreams, she did everything as a mother to provide for her seven children and she was able to send them all to school from her meager earning as balut (egg) vendor. All her children finished their studies through her hardwork, patience and, perseverance. She was able to prove herself that she is indeed an intelligent person because of what she accomplished for her children.
Loving and faithful as she was, she trusted her relatives that they would give her fair share of an ancestral land where she grew up and raised up her children since the beginning. However, for some clandestine reason, she was again deprived of her legal right. She begged to her relatives but they were just too greedy and selfish to listen to her humble request. Despite of it, she still lifted up everything to God and prayed for her relatives. She was able to do it even though she was hurting and grieving.
She may have lived from a very poor family but her values as a human being was far beyond compare because she never allowed herself to hate and curse the people who deprived her of what was due her. She is one of the most loving, forgiving, accepting, and God-loving mother in the world.
Inang, I tried my best to be a good son because of you and I am trying hard to be a kind brother and person because of everything that you have taught me. I terribly miss your presence and there is no single day that I think of you and pray for you. Honestly, I don’t know anymore the feeling of celebrating Mother’s Day because you are not with me anymore. How can I greet you and give you my sweetest hugs and kisses if you are not here with me.
Inang, because of your personal history I realized and learned a lot of good things in life. I will always remember, treasure, and try to live by it as I continue to live a good life. One thing you always tell me is to take care of my relationship with people. I believe that I am doing that especially now that I live away from my siblings in the Philippines. Also, I remember and miss the time we would pray the rosary together at 3:00 o’clock in the morning. You never get tired of doing it everyday.

Inang, I know God has read my blog about you. I beg of Him to have mercy and grant my only request. And that is to see you one day in heaven and still feel your genuine love and affection as I sing you songs which we would usually do at home.


Inang, I still grieve and even crying right now while writing this blog because I miss you more than heart and mind can comprehend. You don’t have any idea at all how it feels to lose you and see you passed away last 27 July 2010. I hope that you would visit me even in my dreams. I am sorry if I have not been kind to you all the time as your son. Since the day I was born, I knew that you are my inspiration. But sometimes I feel that life is meaningless because you are not here anymore.

Inang, I know that you are now celebrating this especial day with God, Mama Mary, Lola Ana, and all the angels and saints in heaven. Please send my warmest regards to all of them.
Inang, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET YOU. You will always be in my mind and in my heart until the last day of my life. See you again Inang.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Because of One Man

Because of one man, we Filipinos, despite our divisiveness that is brought about by factors too many to enumerate, get united, at least even for a couple of hours in one day in 2011. Because of one man, we all feel proud as Filipinos, and we feel as one in aspiration- to let the whole world know that the Filipino 'can'. Because of one man, we Filipinos get the respect that we once lost but have long deserved from people from other nations. This one man carries the whole nation on his shoulder, a burden that any Filipino of a lesser character would not be able to bear. But this one man has unshakable self-confidence that has been fashioned by his unwavering faith in God. He is a class of his own. He is grace, and humilty personified. He has been and will always be magnanimous in victory! Mabuhay ka Manny Pacquiao! You are God's gift to the Filipino people. Glory and praise to our God!

In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill. - by Churchill, Winston

ATE MARISSA: A WOMAN OF GREAT FAITH

ATE in the Filipino language means, “older sister.” Growing up as a child, I would always look up to my older siblings.  Definitely, I look ...