Legion of Mary: My Love and Devotion

“I am all Yours my Queen and my Mother
and all that I have is Yours!”
This is the promise of all legionaries in the whole world which is recited during “Acies,” the renewal day of our commitment as a legionary.

I started as a member of the Legion of Mary at a very young age of 9. I was recruited by my youngest brother Terry. We became  active members of the junior praesidium, Regina Angelorum, which means Queen of Angels. I vividly recall the happy moments I had together with my brothers in the legion. We prayed the rosary during our Sunday meetings and we were assigned to attend the block rosary in our barangay as one of our regular services. As I continued participating in the activities of the legion, I never imagined that I would become president of the junior praesidium where I was once a member. I never felt so spiritually high when I was given the  chance to lead and inspire the young children of our parish. In fact, we had to divide our praesidium because of the increase in membership. It was indeed a big blessing to have Bro. Nilo who became the president of our new junior praesidium, Regina Juvenum, Latin for Queen of the Youth. I would not be able to humbly serve the Lord without the magnanimous support and supervision of my senior praesidium, Regina Apostolorum, Queen of the Apostles.

I remember playing with my junior legionaries every Saturday. We named our activity, “Happy Day with Mary.” Also, we had our catechism lessons which I facilitated, the confessions with our priest, the visit to the grotto in Novaliches during holy week, the fun outing every summer, our Christmas party with a lot of food, games, and with the much awaited exchange gifts, the visit to the orphanages, and all the other joyful and meaningful activities which I will never forget. As I became very much involved and committed in the Legion of Mary, I felt the strong desire to enter the seminary to become a priest. It all started as a result of my spiritual experience with my brothers in the legion who inspired me in many ways through the loving intercession of Mama Mary. However, my calling to become a full servant of the Lord  through priesthood did not happen but I still ended up fulfilling my great passion to serve as a legionary. Thus, we  created a new senior praesidium, Regina Virginorum where most of the members were junior legionaries of Regina Angelorum.

From a very young age of 7 up to now, I have never ceased to pray the holy rosary. Wherever I go and whatever I do, I always find time to pray and meditate on the life, passion, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. Mama Mary has always been my constant companion praying for me especially in the most difficult times of my life. Through Her intercession, many of my prayers were granted, like my job applications, school and scholarship applications, families and friends requests, and all other things that I have prayed for. Most of all, I remember the time I had with my family especially with my Inang and Amang praying the holy rosary. Inang, just like Mama Mary has been very faithful and indefatigable praying to God through the intercession of Mother Mary. In fact, she would wake up at three o’clock in the morning just to pray the rosary.

Now, I am trying my best to humbly serve the Lord and Mama Mary through the block rosary which my brother Terry and I started here in Jakarta. The Legion of Mary has instilled in me the value of service through prayer which I will always carry with me wherever I may be. In my mind and in my heart, I will always feel blessed to be a legionary. As the saying goes, “Once a legionary, always a legionary.”

Pope John Paul II: My Faith Experience

In the year 1995, Pope John Paul II visited the Philippines for the World Youth Day celebration. I remember watching his arrival on television together with my friend. All of a sudden, tears just poured out from my eyes and I can't explain why? To my surprise, my friend also felt the same thing and we both shed tears watching the pontiff on television. Looking back, I can only say that I felt something indescribable that made me feel God's love and forgiveness at that "holy moment." For me, he was truly God's chosen one for all people regardless of race, creed, language, and status in life.

On the same year, I was very active in the church ministry. I was appointed by our parish priest to head the Parish Youth Council of our church in Taguig responsible for the spiritual preparation of all the youth in connection with the visit of His Holiness. I even absent myself from work for a week just to join millions of people in Manila to witness that very rare opportunity to see the Holy Father. I felt very blessed to see him from afar inside the pope mobile. It was very short but more than enough for me to feel good, happy, and blessed.

I also remember my most unforgettable experience with my brothers in the Legion of Mary. We were holding hands very tightly like boy scouts because we wanted to get near the stage of the Quirino grandstand to get a glimpse of the Holy Father. However, it was like we swam and got drowned in an ocean surrounded by people thus, we ended up separated from each other. We agreed that whatever may happen we will go back to the area where we slept in case we lose sight of one another. Though it was a tumultuous moment amidst massive numbers of people, nonetheless, it was indeed one amazing and grace-filled experience I will truly treasure and cherish forever. Most especially, I had a rare chance together with my brother legionaries to have a faith sharing with some participants from other parts of the world which made my experience more spiritually inspiring and nurturing.

During my class with Dr. Margie Holmes on "Spirituality and Sexuality," I remember exchanging thoughts and opinions about church and its leaders. Modesty aside, I was the only one among my classmates who expressed and articulated my humble love and respect to His Holiness when the husband of my professor uttered words regarding the pope that offended me. I felt that part of my faith that I honor, respect, and love so much was disrespected. Thanks to my professor because she was able to facilitate the session very well.

I have realized that my faith as a Catholic has embraced everything in it. It may have some imperfections but I believe that it is something that I also have to accept, consult a priest if necessary, and pray for most especially. Pope John Paul II was a great influence and instrument for my faith to grow in love and service to God and His people.

I am looking forward to his beatification on May 1, 2011 but I am doubly excited to witness the canonization of Pope John Paul II as a saint.

“It Is Better To Receive Than To Give”

We usually hear the saying, “It is better to give than to receive.” In my experience, it makes me feel good as a person and as a Christian if I am able to share anything that I have especially to my family and to those who are in need.

I remember an incident when I was in Indonesia walking on a bridge together with my brother Terry. We saw a mendicant in his 60s who looks pale and weak. I was taken aghast to see an old man still living a very poor life thinking that in his condition, he can pass away anytime. I instantaneously took money from my pocket and gave it to the old man. My brother and I saw a smile on his face while he was looking at the money and tried to convey his profound gratitude by looking at us with a very happy and genuine smile. I will never ever forget that moment.

I know that many of us are doing the same thing just like what my brother and I did. We all have been munificent and kind enough to others especially to those who are dear to us. For many people, it has been a way of life to give, and give, and give, and give until to the point that we tend to forget ourselves. This is especially true to many Filipinos who work abroad. Most of us, send our hard earned money to our families in the Philippines despite of all the hardships, depression, pains, agony, and even sometimes maltreatment we experience in our job just to be able to provide and give for our beloved families and friends.

With all humility, I have seen myself more of a giver because I always believe that it is better to give than to receive. I can say that I was strongly influenced by my Inang (mother) who has been so unselfish giving everything that she has up to the point of forgetting her own needs and welfare.

As I have shared in my previous blogs, last year was the toughest year of my life not realizing that I will lose both my parents on the same year and being houseless but not homeless because of my spiteful relatives. Thus, I am now experiencing my "rock bottom" where I can say that I am totally depending on the unconditional support, care, and love of people, my friends.

It feels good to give but this time I can say that it feels good to receive too. Or, I should say, it is better to receive than to give. Receiving help from people has taught me one of the greatest values this world can offer us, humility. I never doubted myself that I can provide all the things that I need and want. As I go through the most grueling moment of my life, I have learned that it is not embarrassing at all to ask and receive help if you need it. In the process you are teaching yourself the value of humility and at the same time you are giving others the opportunity to realize the value of authentic generosity.

Initially, asking and receiving help from others was not giving me a good feeling at all. In the end, I have fully understand and appreciate the fact that life wanted me to experience the value of giving and receiving so that I may be able to fully understand my own being and thus appreciate more every single moment that happens to my life.

In His Mountain…

According to the Book of Genesis in the Bible, Jehovah-jireh (or Yahweh-yireh, The Lord will provide), was a place in the land of Moriah. It was the location of the binding of Isaac, where God told Abraham to offer his son Isaac as a burnt offering. Abraham named the place after the Lord provided a ram to sacrifice in place of Isaac.

In His mountain,  the Lord provides. I subscribe to this divine  promise not just as a matter of conviction  but of personal experience of God’s provision in  my life. Well, God has been my Divine Providence since I came into being but I suppose that lately,  I have become more conscious of the manifestations of this promise in my life. Let me cite a few cases in point.

When  I lost the car I was driving to a bad vehicular accident in August 2010 (The owner decided to sell it after its repair.), one of my main concerns then was how to get to St. Francis of Assissi  Church at Jebel Ali, Dubai in time for the 7:00 P.M. Mass when I have to come all the way from Jumeirah 1, Dubai,  after 6:00 P.M.  The two places are around a 45-minute drive apart at a minimum. Getting a taxi from the Ibn Battuta Station at Jebel Ali  at around that time is always a frustrating experience. But  since ‘In His mountain, the Lord provides.’,  He tapped  a good friend to help me get to Church not exactly on time but at least not as tardy as it would be if I took a cab and without the exasperation of having to deal with insolent taxi drivers. When this same  friend went home for vacation to the Philippines in late December last year,  since ‘In His mountain, the Lord provides.’,  on that particular Sunday, despite the long queue in front of Ibn Battuta Station, I was able to get a cab quickly and the polite driver uncomplainingly brought me to the Church.  When after the Mass I noticed that there were many people waiting for a cab to bring them home, since ‘In His mountain, the Lord provides.’, He gave me a companion to walk along with toward Jebel Ali Hospital where after just a few minutes of waiting, an RTA bus came and brought us to the Ibn Battuta Station. When a few Sundays ago this same good  friend could not hear Mass for some reasons, since ‘In His mountain the Lord provides.’,  he sent an old and friendly Pakistani man to take me to Church for a minimal charge of Dhs10.00.

Just yesterday night, as my lady friend was running late and yet I had difficulty getting a cab from Ibn Battuta Station, a four-wheel-driven vehicle just stopped in front of me. The three Filipinas in the car offered to take me to the Church. I found out that they are members of the Choir and they knew that I was also going to Church that time because they always saw me sitting near the Choir area during the past Sunday Masses.

Had I started listing all these incidents since I first reached the ‘age of reason and of conviction’,  my list would have been endless at this point. Definitely, this recurrence of God’s provision in my life will go on with repetitious regularity and surely in those pursuits of mine that would please and glorify His name.

In God’s Time

In His time, in His time

He makes all things beautiful in His time

God’s timing is perfect all the time. His is  ‘the right time all the time’. I know this and as a believer, I have accepted this fully and unconditionally, or so I thought. But the weakling Christian  in me makes me doubt this each time I find myself in a wearisome  situation that would always be a consequence of my past decisions and actions. While I know that I should listen to and discern God’s holy will before I take a shot,  the obstinate person and idiotic risk-taking venturesome spirit that I am would decide and do based on my conceptualizaton of events in my life, totally oblivious to  God’s prompting through His Holy Spirit. Yet when I am at the  moment confronted with the ramifications of my past folly, I turn to God to bring me out of the same mess that I myself created.  And if He does not seem to respond in a manner and at a time I so prescribe, I would throw tantrums like a child to his father when the latter would deprive him of his whims. How stupid I am and what right do I have to be demanding?  God does not owe me anything and whatever I ask that He gives, He does so not because He owes me or I deserve it but because He loves me. I do not merit anything from God no matter how straight the life that I may have been leading is (only for the sole purpose of discussion), hence, I can only beg for His grace and mercy. Yet, I demand for help from Him as if  I have all the right in this world to do so. Maybe it is because I am bound by my construal of  my relationship with Him as akin to that between a father and his son, as God being a Father is one of my best metaphors of Him.

For the past one year or so, I have been going through one of the most difficult trials in my life if not the most difficult so far. All throughout this time, I have been turning to God, praying to Him, and asking for His grace and mercy to help me throughout all these troubled times.  Yet, the impatient spoiled brat in me would feel disconsolate and  would resort to blaming Him if I do not get the help I expect from Him at the time frame that I specified. And while I sulk like a spoiled tot to his sire,  at the end of the day, I would surrender my pride and  turn back to Him as I have no other recourse. It has always been like this  for quite some time now. Lately though, I have started to see good things coming through as God has started to use people and events as instruments to minister to me His  amazing grace and undying love. The moment I started to realize that God has brought answers to my prayer, I started feeling guilty and remorseful that I ever doubted His faithfulness and love. This has always been the kind of relationship I have with Him and despite how He proved His love and faithfulness to me in the past, every time I find myself in a thorny quandary  and feeling dispirited, I would sulk in the corner of my own  little world and blame Him for abandoning me.

This time again, God has proven me wrong and I feel so shameful for being so frail in my faith. When will I ever learn? What face do I have to show Him this time yet again?  

Lord please show me everyday

As You’re teaching me Your way

That You do just what You say

In Your TIME

my Catholic Faith

From a psychoanalytic standpoint, when we find ourselves confronted at the moment with a reality that our current coping resources cannot adequately handle, we tend to regress. It is more of a defense coping mechanism and a natural reaction as well. Personally, when I am in such a predicament, I regress by wanting to go home to my province, to be with  my family, to be with my mother, and be comforted in her bosom. Simply being home is a therapy in and by itself. But as an expat, I cannot just do that. Where do I turn to? How do I regress then?

I am more fortunate compared to other expats in some Middle East countries where the practice of their Christian faith is prohibited. Hence, when I am deep deep down in my throes, I would want to be inside a physical Church and just stay there for quite sometime to say anything and everything I want to say to God and listen as well to what He is telling me. At the same time I make it a point to thank Him,  although human as I am it is difficult to do, for giving me some troubles as through this way I am able to share His sufferings and I am also being purified. But it is so hard to bear and sometimes I cannot help but complain. I am not a saint and though I know that all of us are called to be holy, doing so is such a tremendous challenge. But I keep on trying. I keep on failing and for every backsliding that takes place, I keep on trying to get up. It is a daily struggle on my part. But I am somehow thankful that God's grace is there. Pls. Lord be patient with me!