Xpat's World: On Humor

Xpat's World: On Humor: "Humor is a complex cognitive function which often elicits and leads to laughter. Laughter is a ‘seizure-like’ activity that can ..."

In His Mountain…

According to the Book of Genesis in the Bible, Jehovah-jireh (or Yahweh-yireh, The Lord will provide), was a place in the land of Moriah. It was the location of the binding of Isaac, where God told Abraham to offer his son Isaac as a burnt offering. Abraham named the place after the Lord provided a ram to sacrifice in place of Isaac.

In His mountain,  the Lord provides. I subscribe to this divine  promise not just as a matter of conviction  but of personal experience of God’s provision in  my life. Well, God has been my Divine Providence since I came into being but I suppose that lately,  I have become more conscious of the manifestations of this promise in my life. Let me cite a few cases in point.

When  I lost the car I was driving to a bad vehicular accident in August 2010 (The owner decided to sell it after its repair.), one of my main concerns then was how to get to St. Francis of Assissi  Church at Jebel Ali, Dubai in time for the 7:00 P.M. Mass when I have to come all the way from Jumeirah 1, Dubai,  after 6:00 P.M.  The two places are around a 45-minute drive apart at a minimum. Getting a taxi from the Ibn Battuta Station at Jebel Ali  at around that time is always a frustrating experience. But  since ‘In His mountain, the Lord provides.’,  He tapped  a good friend to help me get to Church not exactly on time but at least not as tardy as it would be if I took a cab and without the exasperation of having to deal with insolent taxi drivers. When this same  friend went home for vacation to the Philippines in late December last year,  since ‘In His mountain, the Lord provides.’,  on that particular Sunday, despite the long queue in front of Ibn Battuta Station, I was able to get a cab quickly and the polite driver uncomplainingly brought me to the Church.  When after the Mass I noticed that there were many people waiting for a cab to bring them home, since ‘In His mountain, the Lord provides.’, He gave me a companion to walk along with toward Jebel Ali Hospital where after just a few minutes of waiting, an RTA bus came and brought us to the Ibn Battuta Station. When a few Sundays ago this same good  friend could not hear Mass for some reasons, since ‘In His mountain the Lord provides.’,  he sent an old and friendly Pakistani man to take me to Church for a minimal charge of Dhs10.00.

Just yesterday night, as my lady friend was running late and yet I had difficulty getting a cab from Ibn Battuta Station, a four-wheel-driven vehicle just stopped in front of me. The three Filipinas in the car offered to take me to the Church. I found out that they are members of the Choir and they knew that I was also going to Church that time because they always saw me sitting near the Choir area during the past Sunday Masses.

Had I started listing all these incidents since I first reached the ‘age of reason and of conviction’,  my list would have been endless at this point. Definitely, this recurrence of God’s provision in my life will go on with repetitious regularity and surely in those pursuits of mine that would please and glorify His name.

The heART of Listening

Many people love to talk but only few love to listen. Maybe because it is easy to talk and it is very hard and tiring for many to listen. Or, maybe it is therapeutic for many people to be listened to, that’s why many prefer to talk than to listen. We may have all our different reasons and explanations to this phenomenon but one thing is clear, we both have the need to talk and to be listened to.

I started my work as a Guidance Counselor in 1997 in one of the biggest universities in Manila. I never expected nor dreamt to be a Counselor. For many students, seeing a Guidance Counselor can be a scary experience. Many students think that they will be scolded or reprimanded for their misbehavior in school when they are referred to the Guidance Office. This is actually a big blunder and misnomer in the guidance and counseling profession. I don’t want to lecture or feel very defensive about it but I would like to share something relevant to my experience as a Counselor.

When I was still young, I always saw myself listening to people’s stories. They seemed to love sharing their good and bad stories with me. Looking back, I never thought that at a very young age I would have the patience and perseverance to listen to people. Fast forward, things happened unexpectedly not realizing that I would be doing a job which I consider a ministry, wherein I will do a lot of listening, understanding, processing, and eventually ‘healing of people’.Since then, I cannot count anymore how many students, parents, teachers, office staff, and even gym instructors in the schools where I worked both in the Philippines and abroad I have counseled. Also, the chemically-dependent people or drug abusers that I have helped through my volunteer work in a rehabilitation center in Bulacan is too big a number for me to recall. Most of them would not come back and say ‘thank you’ but some of them remembered to express their deepest gratitude and appreciation. I remember a counselee who thanked me so sincerely. Honestly, I thought I have not helped him during the session but I remember him saying, “Thank you very much Sir for listening to me.”It made me realize more that listening in itself is therapeutic and helpful for many people.

Maybe that’s why people love God so much because when they pray, God just listens with a compassionate heart and does not judge nor criticize anyone who prays to Him. Thus, people feel good and enlightened after praying.Many times I was asked by people if I don’t get tired of listening. My honest response would be, “NO.” I believe that God gave me the gift and the heart to be able to listen to people no matter what. After all, it makes me feel good and blessed to be of help to people just by simply listening to them. If only all people in this world would have a genuine and sincere heart to listen to their fellowmen regardless of all their differences, perhaps, there will be no more war and animosity but peace and harmony.

Whether you are a Counselor like me or not, we can always be a good listener to people we meet every day. Dale Carnegie in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, pointed out one of his rules, which is “Genuinely listen to people’s interest and do it sincerely.”

It is my hope and prayer that we would always have a listening heart to people around us especially at home, in our workplace, with our friends, or even with ordinary people we meet every day. We just have to listen and share a few moments of our time and yet such a small parcel taken from our time would create an impact and effect on the person of a magnitude that we probably not have imagined. Having done that, we have been an instrument in touching their heart and soul, helping them to think, feel, and do good for themselves.

I could have saved life that day

Out of the many safety meetings I’ve attended, our session last Monday February 21, 2011 to me had the most inspiring topic we’ve ever had. It touched my heart so deeply that it made me want to share to all my friends and relatives the story.

When the speaker was narrating the story I thought he was just informing us about another safety rule to bear in mind but as the story progressed,  I realized it was not about safety anymore but it was about attitude that makes you and others safe and alive.

The situation happened at the workplace. It is about a guy who is very particular about the safety rules from the most major up to the last details, always emphasizing the fact that there are reasons for every rule. Whenever he sees a co-worker performing his task without regard to the rules,  he would call his/her attention and insists with its observance like,  the complete and proper wearing of PPE (personal protective equipment). Every time he would do that, he  encountered resistance and received unflattering remarks in the process. Most of the time, it led him to a heated argument and verbal abuse of co-worker. This reality discouraged him so much that one day he decided to amend his ways and keep mum about it even though, on that particular day,  he saw one co-worker performing a task in an unsafe condition. At one point, he looked at his co-worker and tried to call his attention but he stopped and turned his back. He was just a few steps away when he heard the big noise and when he looked back, he saw his co-worker lying on the floor dead with the entire face burned by the steam water that just exploded in his face because of loose bolt. He knew his co-worker was at risk because on that day,  he saw him not wearing the protective equipment. Had he tried to remind him to wear the equipment, he could have saved his life that day but he decided to look the other way. This simple phrase became the subject of a beautiful poem which I want to share with you for your daily inspiration.

I could have saved the life that day
But I chose to look the other way
It wasn’t that I didn’t care
I had the time and I was there
But I didn’t to seem a fool
Or argue over a safety rule

I know he had done the job before,
If I speak up, he might get sore
The chances didn’t seem that bad,
I’d done the same, he knew I had.
So I shook my head and walked on by.

He knew the risks as well as I
He took the chance, I closed my eye
And with that act, I let him die
I could have saved a life that day
But I chose to look the other way

Now every time I see his wife
I know I should have saved his life.
That guilt is something I must bear
But it isn’t something you need share

If you see a risk that others take
That puts their health or life at stake
The question asked or thing you say
Could help them live another day
If you see a risk and walk away
Then hope you never have to say
I could have saved life that day
But I chose to look the other way

- Don Merrell -

Because of that incident, our guy decided to go back to his old ways but this time with a stronger resolve and conviction never to turn his back and do it the right way. Time had come when it is his co worker’s turn to remind him over the safety rules and he has no regrets.

Don Dizon

In God’s Time

In His time, in His time

He makes all things beautiful in His time

God’s timing is perfect all the time. His is  ‘the right time all the time’. I know this and as a believer, I have accepted this fully and unconditionally, or so I thought. But the weakling Christian  in me makes me doubt this each time I find myself in a wearisome  situation that would always be a consequence of my past decisions and actions. While I know that I should listen to and discern God’s holy will before I take a shot,  the obstinate person and idiotic risk-taking venturesome spirit that I am would decide and do based on my conceptualizaton of events in my life, totally oblivious to  God’s prompting through His Holy Spirit. Yet when I am at the  moment confronted with the ramifications of my past folly, I turn to God to bring me out of the same mess that I myself created.  And if He does not seem to respond in a manner and at a time I so prescribe, I would throw tantrums like a child to his father when the latter would deprive him of his whims. How stupid I am and what right do I have to be demanding?  God does not owe me anything and whatever I ask that He gives, He does so not because He owes me or I deserve it but because He loves me. I do not merit anything from God no matter how straight the life that I may have been leading is (only for the sole purpose of discussion), hence, I can only beg for His grace and mercy. Yet, I demand for help from Him as if  I have all the right in this world to do so. Maybe it is because I am bound by my construal of  my relationship with Him as akin to that between a father and his son, as God being a Father is one of my best metaphors of Him.

For the past one year or so, I have been going through one of the most difficult trials in my life if not the most difficult so far. All throughout this time, I have been turning to God, praying to Him, and asking for His grace and mercy to help me throughout all these troubled times.  Yet, the impatient spoiled brat in me would feel disconsolate and  would resort to blaming Him if I do not get the help I expect from Him at the time frame that I specified. And while I sulk like a spoiled tot to his sire,  at the end of the day, I would surrender my pride and  turn back to Him as I have no other recourse. It has always been like this  for quite some time now. Lately though, I have started to see good things coming through as God has started to use people and events as instruments to minister to me His  amazing grace and undying love. The moment I started to realize that God has brought answers to my prayer, I started feeling guilty and remorseful that I ever doubted His faithfulness and love. This has always been the kind of relationship I have with Him and despite how He proved His love and faithfulness to me in the past, every time I find myself in a thorny quandary  and feeling dispirited, I would sulk in the corner of my own  little world and blame Him for abandoning me.

This time again, God has proven me wrong and I feel so shameful for being so frail in my faith. When will I ever learn? What face do I have to show Him this time yet again?  

Lord please show me everyday

As You’re teaching me Your way

That You do just what You say

In Your TIME

My Counting in Writing

When I was first introduced to the idea of blogging, the first question I had in my mind was “What am I going to write?” I am an Accountant who was trained in counting but not in writing! I tried to give an answer to my own question and voila! I got not only the answers but the discovery of the wonderful world of counting in writing.

Behold! God created everything in 7 days. In the beginning the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. God said, 'Let there be light!', and there was light. And God saw the light that it was good and God divided the light from the darkness. And the evening and the morning were the 1st day. God made the firmament he called Heaven and it was the 2nd day. God divided the water and dry land appeared and it was the 3rd day. God made two great lights, the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night and it was the 4th day. God created great whales and every living creature that moveth. God blessed them and said 'Be fruitful and multiply.' and it was the 5th day.

God declared! Let us make a man in our image, after our likeness and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. God created Adam and Eve and it was the 6th day. Again he commanded them to be fruitful and to multiply. On the 7th day God rested. (The Bible, King James Version).

As I marveled with the above historical writings, I was fascinated with the fact that God is counting on the days of creation using the basic mathematical principles of division and multiplication, though not mentioned,  addition and subtraction were obviously among them. Please take particular attention to how the whole universe and all heavenly bodies, including earth, were organized, moving, and revolving in perfect harmony with one another. Imagine if the distance between the earth and the sun were a little bit farther, all living things will freeze to death, a little shorter we will fry but an exact distance up to the last millimeter and degree, the earth and all living things flourish until the end of times. A simple miscalculation of distances from among the planets, sun, moon, stars, and the galaxies will have colossal consequences. God must be following a formula known only to him because he is an exact God and He accomplishes it by counting which I want to call as the Holy Count.

There were many accounts in the Bible that have been used by unbelievers that God does not exist because they asserted that most of the accounts in the bible were wrong. Take for instance the day when God commanded Adam not to eat from the tree of knowledge because he will surely die. Everybody knows that Adam disobeyed God but some critics insist that Adam did not die. When I was young and not yet a CPA, I too had the same question but when I learned the art of counting, which I want to call as the mortal count, I found the answer to the mystery. It is because God is not counting at the time He gave the commandment to Adam. He did not say you will surely die on the 1st day you eat the forbidden fruit. He merely said you will surely die. Adam did die, but only after 700 years of existence on earth. God didn’t want to apply the art of counting with Adam because if He did, He would have to give limit to the number of days Adam would exist on earth which would  be against His wisdom. When Adam disobeyed God he himself gave the limit to his own numbers on earth. From the day he had eaten the forbidden fruit, he learned the knowledge of counting and from then on he started counting his days. Mystery was solved through the concept of counting. I have the inclination that Adam must have been the first accountant in the world because he is the first human being who learned and applied the principle of multiplication.

Adam did multiply. Every minute, every hour, 24/7 until today, his descendants keep on growing and growing and somewhere someone is counting the increasing numbers until the bomb exploded in an uncontrollable proportion they fondly called population explosion. The explosion was so effective it made it all possible for the Martian, Mercurian, and Venusians, Holy Weak and me to co-exist in these modern days, bringing forth knowledge, inspiration, and happiness. Each of us has its own story to tell about the art of living, the art of loving, and most especially the art of counting rolled into one, called writing.

Depending on how you look at it, but in my opinion, our lives started with numbers. The very first time a man saw a woman, the most important attraction is of course, the girl’s vital statistics 34-24-34 Wow! A body you could die for! Then the guy pursues the girl and the most important question is “Can I get your number? And for you to understand the rest of the love story is to learn the art of counting. You may never know you were conceived in Room No. 45 or Room No 46.

During the courtship stage, the guy will promise the moon and the stars and declare “You are my only one.”, but actually what the guy really means is “You are my only one until I meet my number 2, 3, & 4." When all went well, the guy and the girl get married, and the baby gets conceived  and stays in the womb for 9 months.   Then, so there you are, you are born!

When I look back during my formative years, I found the art of counting as so confusing because everything else is counted as your first. The first day you learn to crawl, walk, and speak. The first question I remember is “How old are you? “And my answer was 3. The first song I learned was:
I have two hands, the left and the right
Hold them apart so clean and bright
Clap them one, two, three
Clean little hands are good to see!

My First Teacher, My First Shoes, My First Friend, My First communion, My First Crush, and of course the most memorable, My First Experience! Only when I grew up I was able to make a sense out of it and understand that people have been counting all their lives so that when they use the word “First”, they are actually saying that they have their Second, Third, Fourth, and so on. It comes as no surprise to me then, why I started my schooling from Grade 1, then 2,3,4,5 & 6 then 1st, 2nd, 3rd & 4th year high school all the way to College.

When I was still studying my degree in Accounting, I used to hang outs with friends during free time. Most of them were always bragging about their latest conquests. One would say “I have three girlfriends.” and the other responded with more intensity, “I have more than five and too much exes.”, then they turned to me and asked "How about you Homer?" Well of course, Me, Homer the Great, as always. humble and down to earth, would shrugge off and say “Well, I have only one because after that I stopped counting.”  Now I am confused again, I have begun by counting and ended up stopping counting?

The lesson of the story is, there are times counting is good but there are times when not counting is better.

Indeed! Numbers have greatly influenced our lives. At home with my family, budgeting and financial planning is a focal point for our survival. As a Father of the Family, my head is getting flooded with so much numbers, like, the monthly bills, electricity, water, telephone, transportation fares, tuition fees and all other fees that when I perform the process of addition, the numbers come up to gruesome quanity. At work, with the help of the state of the art system they call SAP;  the numbers are even  greater than at home. Initially I look with the simple number in our local unit and count. When something is not matching, I dig deeper so that the system brings  me to Regional Level until my mind would be  flooded with gargantuan numbers on a Global level. After sometime, I was surprised to learn that in my effort to resolve a simple issue of number, I have communicated to several places already, Manila, Malaysia, Singapore, Dubai, Germany, Houston, and so on as far as the number will take me. Now I come to realize the difference of counting at home and at work. At home, you count your own money. At work, you count the money not your own and worse you can’t even spend it! What a wonderful world of counting!

From the time we wake up in the morning our minds are already consumed with numbers. You wake up because of the noise created by the alarm clock which you set at 5am the night before you went to sleep. Then you hurry up to prepare for work being mindful of the fact your duty starts at 7:00am. If you don’t own a car, you start calculating how much transportation fares you will need to go back and forth the office and home. If you do own the car, you also calculate the distance between your house and the office and how much time you need to reach the office without being late. On the road you start to notice the thousands of commuters rushing up to the office for work, all have one objective in mind to beat the clock which never stops counting the seconds, minutes, and hours of the day. Along the road you also notice the sidewalk vendors, stores, and the mall starting to open up. Each of them has itsr own sign displayed in the board, “Sale 50% Discount”, “Buy 1 take 1 free”, “Check in now, Check out later”. At the office, you want to accelerate the process of counting so that come 4:30 you are good to go, duty is over for the day. At night, when it is time to sleep, you will set the alarm clock once again, for tomorrow is another day.

Initially, I thought that as an Accountant it would be difficult for me to write. I was wrong! I discovered that the skill of an Accountant is exactly what I need to be able to write beautifully because many principles in Accounting are very much relevant and applicable in writing.

The first rule of writing is to be brief and concise. As an accountant I was trained to be accurate, precise, and direct to the point. Balance and parallelism are a must in writing while uniformity and consistency will do the trick for accounting. Redundancy is a double entry while poor grammar and sentence construction are better detected and improved by the process of review and analysis, almost always looking for an answers to the questions How, When, What, Where, and Who. More importantly, Accountants are trained to have an organized thought, a skill very important in writing. It gives us the ability to present the subject in an organized and comprehensible manner presenting our facts from the smaller to the bigger details, from first to second, from a unit to a group, and from the beginning till the end.

An accountant can also be a good counselor when it comes to the matter of the heart. When a girl is confronted with the issue as who to choose from among her admirers, the accountant can always perform the financial profile of any prospective guy. He will simply apply the principle of “three Cs”, Character, Capacity and Credibility. On the emotional side, the accountant can explain to the couple the principle of adjusting entry so both of them can effectively adjust to any given situation. In times of trouble, our concept of reconciliation is the best tool to find harmony within the relationship. When the arguments persist and they are becoming like a recurring entry, the couple needs to apply the concept of 'write off' to get rid of the root causes once and for all. When the argument is about money, an Accountant will surely be helpful in financial planning and budgeting. When there are differences, an accountant can apply his investigative skills and find a logical explanation for the variances. If the difference comes up to three, there is an issue of a triangle. Now the accountant has a bigger problem to solve. How can he write off the other one because it is not balancing?

I thought accounting is different from writing but after doing this piece, I come to know that counting is the same as writing. Both are an art of expression blended together in perfect harmony. From now on,  my counting is writing.

Don Dizon

My Brother Is Not A Pig!

I grew up in a family where everyone was present during mealtime. I have four big brothers as in literally big and two beautiful sisters. Well, that’s according to the recent survey conducted by Pulse Asia with only two respondents, my two sisters! Also present were the King (my father) and Queen (my mother) of our family with our uncle who was like a father to us. Every meal was like a big feast because eleven people sit and share in a big rectangular table.

During mealtime, a strange phenomenon usually happens that cannot be explained by anyone and even science would have a hard time digging facts about it. My eldest sister being very responsible, would divide and distribute the viand equally among our siblings. I remember vividly that our viand then was 'pritong galunggong' (fried mackerel fish). I would love to eat it with my rice swimming in water and rock salt.

Then, the moment of truth had to come out. When my sister was giving our share of the fish, she noticed that one piece was missing. She threatened all of us that if the guilty would not confess of the crime, she would punish all of us. Because my sister was like incredible hulk the female version, when she got angry, we were afraid of the consequence that we would receive from her. Yet despite this, nobody admitted that time. Until finally, my sister noticed the rice of my brother on his plate was shaped like Mt. Everest. My sister got suspicious and she slowly dug a hole from the surface of my brother’s rice. Aha! We saw the head of the fish as if wanting to escape from Alcatraz. My brother was caught hiding the fish so that he could get another one. Instead of blaming our brother, we all laughed and teased him for his work of art. Hehehehe! The mystery was solved and just like in any other court hearing, case closed.

While we were enjoying the taste of our humble but luscious food, my eldest brother who eats with a lot of enthusiasm and gusto would get a big chunk of rice like a construction worker spading huge bulk of sand, and slowly chew and swallow the gargantuan amount of rice and fried fish from his big hand. When he chewed, his face would turn elastic as if he was blowing a bazooka bubble gum. His two cheeks would bloat like a balloon and his face would change its appearance as if he underwent a face lift. We would control our laughter because we were afraid that our eldest brother might get embarrassed and eventually scold us.

As we continued with our meal, we were telling funny stories with each other. I found an opportunity to share with them my experience about my youngest brother. My brother was begging not to continue with the story but I believed that it was worth sharing after all. Every time we were in a jeepney going to school, my youngest brother had the habit of sleeping. One time, he fell asleep while his hands were hanging on the bar of the jeep. I was seated beside him and I was appalled to see that my brother was creating his own Guinness book of world record. I saw his saliva slowly falling from his mouth like a spider weaving its web. I was taken aghast by the sight that I saw. I gently woke up my brother so that no one would notice him and handed him my handkerchief. Wow! I didn’t know if I would deny him three times or disown him at that moment. Hehehe!
When it was my turn to be fried on the hot plate, my youngest brother was so fast in taking vengeance on me. He shared the time when we both didn’t have enough money to pay for our jeepney fare; I was like a coach telling him the game plan that we would do to be freed from shame and embarrassment. I told my youngest brother that the time we needed to go down from the jeep, I would count one, two, three, and we would jump and run as fast as we could. I told him that the key word to realize our game plan was timing. My siblings were all laughing hearing the story but I knew what I did was totally wrong. Honestly, I have already confessed it and never do it again.

As I reminisce all these funny and crazy moments I had with my siblings, I was reminded of this very popular line in the movie of the great Filipino Superstar, Nora Aunor, "My brother is not a pig!" I can’t help but laugh not because I agree that my brothers are a pig. It has become a common joke for many and I would remember uttering these words to them.

Wait, my brothers are not pigs! They are human beings like us! They are the happiest people I have in my life. Every time we are together, we always share each others laughter and happiness. We eat until the last grain of rice is finished, we sing songs as if we were the next contestants in Americal Idol, we shake our bellies with all the curves and waves, we banter with each other, watch movies ,and go places especially to Tagaytay, which is our favorite spot. In fact, we had our first spiritual recollection as siblings in that heavenly place facilitated by my youngest brother who is an ex-convict. Oopps, I mean ex-seminarian. Some of my friends envy me because we text and say 'I love you!' with each other without inhibition.I am thankful to God for giving me such happy and loving brothers and sisters. We are not perfect as siblings because we also have our own share of frailties, animosity, issues and fights, but we try our best to support, care, understand, forgive, and love each other especially now that our parents are gone.
If you think that my brothers are pigs, well, I would agree to a certain extent because they are big in size like a pig but they are the most amiable toy pig that one would want to have. Hehehe!

I LOVE YOU BROS!