Pope John Paul II: My Faith Experience

In the year 1995, Pope John Paul II visited the Philippines for the World Youth Day celebration. I remember watching his arrival on television together with my friend. All of a sudden, tears just poured out from my eyes and I can't explain why? To my surprise, my friend also felt the same thing and we both shed tears watching the pontiff on television. Looking back, I can only say that I felt something indescribable that made me feel God's love and forgiveness at that "holy moment." For me, he was truly God's chosen one for all people regardless of race, creed, language, and status in life.

On the same year, I was very active in the church ministry. I was appointed by our parish priest to head the Parish Youth Council of our church in Taguig responsible for the spiritual preparation of all the youth in connection with the visit of His Holiness. I even absent myself from work for a week just to join millions of people in Manila to witness that very rare opportunity to see the Holy Father. I felt very blessed to see him from afar inside the pope mobile. It was very short but more than enough for me to feel good, happy, and blessed.

I also remember my most unforgettable experience with my brothers in the Legion of Mary. We were holding hands very tightly like boy scouts because we wanted to get near the stage of the Quirino grandstand to get a glimpse of the Holy Father. However, it was like we swam and got drowned in an ocean surrounded by people thus, we ended up separated from each other. We agreed that whatever may happen we will go back to the area where we slept in case we lose sight of one another. Though it was a tumultuous moment amidst massive numbers of people, nonetheless, it was indeed one amazing and grace-filled experience I will truly treasure and cherish forever. Most especially, I had a rare chance together with my brother legionaries to have a faith sharing with some participants from other parts of the world which made my experience more spiritually inspiring and nurturing.

During my class with Dr. Margie Holmes on "Spirituality and Sexuality," I remember exchanging thoughts and opinions about church and its leaders. Modesty aside, I was the only one among my classmates who expressed and articulated my humble love and respect to His Holiness when the husband of my professor uttered words regarding the pope that offended me. I felt that part of my faith that I honor, respect, and love so much was disrespected. Thanks to my professor because she was able to facilitate the session very well.

I have realized that my faith as a Catholic has embraced everything in it. It may have some imperfections but I believe that it is something that I also have to accept, consult a priest if necessary, and pray for most especially. Pope John Paul II was a great influence and instrument for my faith to grow in love and service to God and His people.

I am looking forward to his beatification on May 1, 2011 but I am doubly excited to witness the canonization of Pope John Paul II as a saint.

A Birthday to Remember?

Growing up as a child, I always wish to celebrate my birthday in a fun and vivacious manner. Full of toys, fun games, surprises, gifts, and delicious food with the presence of my family and friends. Sadly, I cannot remember celebrating my birthday in a fun and frolic way. Up to this moment, I have always wanted and hover on the thought that one day I will experience celebrating my birthday like a child.

Now that another year is added into my life, I still wish that the day will come when I will see myself wearing a party cup, blowing candles, and receiving lots of gifts from my family and friends. It may sound selfish but I just wanted to experience the feeling. I am not really after the gifts that I will receive. I just wanted to feel the fun and excitement of celebrating my birthday in a childlike way.

For many years, I would usually celebrate my birthday in Tagaytay, in a heavenly place called "Munting Bukal." I call it "Birthday with the Lord." I would spend my whole day in meditation and prayer away from my family and friends. As I age, I realized that it is better to celebrate my birthday in silence thinking and feeling that God is with me during this very special day of my life. I have always wanted to have that rare opportunity of spending my birthday alone with God.

For this year, my friends here in Jakarta made their humble efforts to make me feel happy by preparing a simple "halo-halo party" and treated me for a dinner. Much as I would want to treat them but with my present situation, I just really can't afford to do it. Nevertheless, I am more than grateful to God for all the blessings especially the life that He gives me everyday.

However, this is my first birthday without the presence of my parents. I feel very sad knowing that it will always be like this. How I wish to hear them greeting me happy birthday and at the same time receiving their genuine hugs and kisses. It is the most priceless gift that I usually receive on my birthday. It breaks my heart thinking that it will not happen anymore thus, I have to live with it. Moreover, it is sad to be away from my family and I think I need to get used to this situation as an expatriate.

As a young child, I always wanted to be the center of attraction on my special day but as I grow older I realize that it changes. Given enough resources, I just wanted to bring back to God everything by sharing and making others happy especially those who are really in need. I cannot ask anything from God except that He continues to bless me everyday that I may live my life to the fullest according to His divine plan as I do my best to be an instrument of peace, love, and happiness to everyone.

“It Is Better To Receive Than To Give”

We usually hear the saying, “It is better to give than to receive.” In my experience, it makes me feel good as a person and as a Christian if I am able to share anything that I have especially to my family and to those who are in need.

I remember an incident when I was in Indonesia walking on a bridge together with my brother Terry. We saw a mendicant in his 60s who looks pale and weak. I was taken aghast to see an old man still living a very poor life thinking that in his condition, he can pass away anytime. I instantaneously took money from my pocket and gave it to the old man. My brother and I saw a smile on his face while he was looking at the money and tried to convey his profound gratitude by looking at us with a very happy and genuine smile. I will never ever forget that moment.

I know that many of us are doing the same thing just like what my brother and I did. We all have been munificent and kind enough to others especially to those who are dear to us. For many people, it has been a way of life to give, and give, and give, and give until to the point that we tend to forget ourselves. This is especially true to many Filipinos who work abroad. Most of us, send our hard earned money to our families in the Philippines despite of all the hardships, depression, pains, agony, and even sometimes maltreatment we experience in our job just to be able to provide and give for our beloved families and friends.

With all humility, I have seen myself more of a giver because I always believe that it is better to give than to receive. I can say that I was strongly influenced by my Inang (mother) who has been so unselfish giving everything that she has up to the point of forgetting her own needs and welfare.

As I have shared in my previous blogs, last year was the toughest year of my life not realizing that I will lose both my parents on the same year and being houseless but not homeless because of my spiteful relatives. Thus, I am now experiencing my "rock bottom" where I can say that I am totally depending on the unconditional support, care, and love of people, my friends.

It feels good to give but this time I can say that it feels good to receive too. Or, I should say, it is better to receive than to give. Receiving help from people has taught me one of the greatest values this world can offer us, humility. I never doubted myself that I can provide all the things that I need and want. As I go through the most grueling moment of my life, I have learned that it is not embarrassing at all to ask and receive help if you need it. In the process you are teaching yourself the value of humility and at the same time you are giving others the opportunity to realize the value of authentic generosity.

Initially, asking and receiving help from others was not giving me a good feeling at all. In the end, I have fully understand and appreciate the fact that life wanted me to experience the value of giving and receiving so that I may be able to fully understand my own being and thus appreciate more every single moment that happens to my life.

On Deprivation: Fate or Choice!

After posting my invitation to all the followers of our blog about this topic, no one replied.

Hmph! What does it mean? I can only speculate but it would not sound fair. I really intended it to be in this style because I want it to be supported by personal thoughts, feelings, or even experience of people to make it more meaningful and essential. Nonetheless, I tried my best to ask few friends regarding this topic. I was able to get some interesting replies from them. But first, allow me to share to you what deprivation is, based from some references.

There is no single generally agreed definition of deprivation. Deprivation is a concept that overlaps, but is not synonymous with poverty. Absolute poverty can be defined as the absence of the minimum resources for physical survival, whereas relative poverty relates this to the standards of living of a particular society at a specific time. The different concepts of deprivation include the following:

Material deprivation, which reflects the access people have to material goods and resources. Access to these goods and resources enables people "to play the roles, participate in relationships and follow the customary behaviour which is expected of them by virtue of their membership in society."

Social deprivation has been separately distinguished as relating to people’s roles and relationships, membership and social contacts in society.

Multiple deprivation relates to the occurrence of several forms of deprivation concurrently, such as low income, poor housing, and unemployment. This can be particularly stressful for families.

Given these definitions, many of the responses I got from my friends are more of material deprivation due to their socio-economic status in life. When they were young, they were longing to have brand new toys, clothes, and all other materials things that a child would want to have. However, because their parents could not afford to buy the things that they wanted and sometimes needed as a child, they ended up feeling sad, frustrated, upset, angry, and dissatisfied.

In effect, one of them has the compulsion of buying and collecting all the latest Nike shoes eventhough he doesn't need them. Another one doesn't feel comfortable if he is not able to swipe his credit card in a week and buy any latest and branded item available in the market. On the other hand, some of them learned the value of saving for the "rainy days" because they do not want to experience anymore poverty. While the rest can fully relate to and  have become sensitive enough to the needs of others. Thus, they would usually help and share whatever they can to the needy.

I will never forget the time I saw my Inang (mother) crying because I stole her hard earned money from selling balut (egg). At the age of 12, there was this very popular plastic toy called flying T. It was made of plastic and you have to spin it up so it will fly high like a helicopter. I wanted to have a lot of it that's why I was motivated to steal the money of Inang. When I saw her crying, it broke my heart and I immediately returned the money by placing it in the area where Inang would usually put it. I felt very guilty at that time and as a consequence of my malevolent action, my siblings would always accuse me of stealing everytime an item was missing at home eventhough I did not get it. It was a traumatic and torturing experience for me.

I believe that deprivation can be a fate or a choice for many people. One thing I have realized is that it has a tremendous impact to a person's growth and development whether psychological, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, and even sexual in nature.

For whatever may be the effect of this to you or to people around you, I hope that we can try our best to be an instrument and source of inspiration in our small way to people we meet everyday, so that we may all continue to live life to the fullest despite of our individual deprivation.

Deprivation : Fate or Choice!

Dear Friends,

Peace!

I am planning to write my next blog entitled: Deprivation: Fate or Choice. Before I start writing it, I would like to solicit your personal thoughts/feelings about the topic. If you think you like to share something about it, please feel free to write it at the bottom of this message as your comment. If not, you don't need to write anything at all and I would fully respect your decision about it.

In case you decide to share, all I need from you is to state three (3) things which you think/feel you were deprived of and write your reason in one or two sentences. I will only include the first 15 followers who will share their comments.

For example:
1. Money - I was raised from a poor family.
2. Education - My parents forced us to work at a very young age.
3. Branded items - My salary is very small to buy a branded item like shoes/clothes.

Thank you in anticipation of your generous response as we continue to share and learn from each other. I have just thought of this approach in writing my next blog and I hope this is something where all of us can learn from and understand more ourselves and others.

God bless everyone.

Sincerely,

holy weak

On Manic-Depression

Last month, while I was on Facebook, I got a message from the very first person who invited me to FB, and who eventually became my very first contact in this colossal social networking site that is Facebook.  In the course of our conversation, I gathered that he was at that time in the US for some kind of training. So, he was not there for good and he intimated his desire to go back to Dubai. It seemed to me that he was not really happy being there and perhaps, he had to be there as he had to do something important in his career plan. When I asked him how he has been, his reply quite knocked me off.  He said that he is still the same sick guy I tried to cure before. In effect, he was saying that I failed to help him. But before I could ask if he continues taking medication and explain to him his predicament, he got offline.

Anyway, this man in his late 20’s was referred to me for counseling and eventual therapy. The presenting problem was that he would stay in his room for days and abstain from the usual routine of normal life as a student and part time worker for the same period and then followed this by short periods of hyperactivity, i.e., staying out of the house doing anything and everything he wanted to do, even without sleep.  He had suicidal ideations as well when too depressed.  I diagnosed him to be suffering from severe manic-depressive or bi-polar personality disorder.  Due to the severity of his case and the fact that his mood swings, in particular his depression, is more physiologically triggered (caused by the chemical imbalance in his brain), I advised him to seek a psychiatrist’s assistance for medication. He needed medication to be able to bring normalcy to his daily functioning. At the same time, we proceeded with the therapeutic relationship. We collaborated on a self-management plan for him that included proper diet and regular exercise. We also had to work together on helping him do proper time management and manage his daily chores with efficiency.  I made him come up with his personal mission statement as part of the requirements in the time management coaching I did for him. Having the sense of control in his life would be of help. In short, I empowered him to be able to manage his predicament.  I noticed significant progress after the 3^rd session and based on my positive prognosis, I terminated the helping relationship after the 8^th session.

As it is of immense help in therapy and counseling that the client understands the nature of his/her condition, I remember educating him about the nature of his disorder, telling him that there is no permanent cure for his affective disorder and that he has to continue putting the same amount of efforts to all those mutually-agreed upon tasks in order for him to be able to function as a normal person.  

As demonstrated in previous researches, Bipolar Disorder is a chronic recurrent illness and in over 90% of those afflicted, it requires lifelong observation and treatment after diagnosis. It was also shown by research that patients with untreated or inadequately treated bipolar disorder have a suicide rate of 15-25% and a nine-year decrease in life expectancy. With proper treatment, the life expectancy of the bipolar patient will increase by nearly seven years and work productivity increases by ten years.

With this in mind, I could not more than stress that it is very important that he takes active part in the treatment program that we agreed upon. Hence, it came as a surprise to me that he seemed to be expecting me to ‘cure him’.  Hence, as an afterthought, I surmised that may be, partly the reason why he was not as successful in managing his case is that he did not take full responsibility for his own concern.

 

“The 5th Commandment: Honor your father and your mother.”

Today, March 24, 2011 is the 1st year death anniversary of my Amang (father). Days are very fast and I can’t imagine that it’s been a year now since my Amang passed away.


As I shared in my previous blog, my Amang died because of emphyzema, a lung disease due to excessive smoking. Added to that, my Amang was also an alcoholic. But according to my Inang (mother), he was not smoking nor drinking alcohol until he was influenced by his friends.


During my younger years, I had a lot of issues with my Amang. He is one father that many wouldn’t want to have. I remember the time when he embarrassed me in front of his friends. He was saying hurting words to me and I was just crying and gasping for breath as a child. I was 10 years old then when that incident happened. Also, I vividly recall the many times he physically hurt me for no good reason at all. He was sleeping one time and I accidentally hit his leg. He got mad and just hit me on the head. I felt very dizzy and I thought I will collapse at that time. He even broke a wooden hanger on my body and threw me off into a wooden cabinet like a stray cat. I even witnessed my Amang slapping the face of my Inang and cursing her without any respect at all. When I graduated from my masteral degree, I invited him to attend the commencement exercise. He replied by saying, “You are not graduating with honors so why do I have to attend!” Still, he attended my graduation. I may have recalled these unpleasant moments I had with my Amang but these were all in the past now.

I also have good memories of my Amang. He taught me the Kundiman song (Filipino old song) which I rendered in a singing competition where he watched me perform. During family gathering and reunion, he would try to entertain us by his out of this world dance move. When I was already working, he would carry me at his back like a young kid because the way going to our house was flooded with water and he would not mind carrying my weight. Likewise, he would clean up the flood water from our house and would not complain even if he gets tired from repeatedly doing the same thing. I also remember the time that I needed money, he borrowed from a friend and pledged as payment the retirement benefit he would receive from the factory where he worked as a janitor. Most especially, I will never ever forget the time he would sip out the colds from my nose and he would spit it out from his mouth without any disgust at all.


When Amang started to feel weak, he stopped smoking and drinking. He has changed a lot especially the way he treated us. I was given a chance to take care of my Amang during his moment of pain and suffering. I promised myself that I will give the best for my Amang and Inang while they are still alive. I had a chance to bring him to Boracay, a holiday destination in the Philippines. It was his very first time to ride in an airplane at the age of 75. I felt very happy being with my Amang but his body at that time was not that strong anymore for him to enjoy our trip.


During the time that I was taking care of him, I was able to express to him my issues. He can’t remember it anymore. He even said that he was just disciplining me and the rest of my siblings. While I was opening my heart to my Amang, I don’t feel any pain but I felt sad because we could have had more happy time together than sad and painful moments.


On his last day, he was brought in to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). I was just at the window staring at my Amang because I cannot bear the sight of losing him. I have loved and still love my Amang so much despite and inspite of his human frailties. I will never ever forget the time he brought me to a perya (carnival) while he put the tickets around his neck and said, “My son please forgive me if Amang can only give you as much.” Up to this time, that moment was still very vivid in my mind. Thus, I fully understood and eventually accepted my Amang as my father.


Now that he is gone, I miss him very much and I am longing to be with him again someday. My Amang may not have been an ideal father but I know that he is the father that God has given me. I believe that he was given to me by God for a good reason. God wanted me to become a better son, sibling, and a loving person to people around me.


The 5th Commandment: Honor your father and your mother, period. Regardless of the kind of father and mother that we have, we still have to accept and love them unconditionally because they are the parents that God has given us.


I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU AMANG!