FB World, My World

I started to have my very first social networking account thru the persuasion and magnanimity of my best friend Elvin. In fact, I told him that I don’t need one because I already have many friends plus I am not a tekky person as well. As I explore the ins and outs of it, I see myself developing great interest and alacrity into it especially when I was able to communicate with my family, friends, and classmates which I have not seen for ages. After the Friendster mania, the genius Mark Zuckerberg introduced the very famous and widely used Facebook.

Admittedly, I am one of those millions of users who got hooked into it. Just the same, I was able to get in touch with good friends since childhood and classmates from elementary, high school, and college. It really gives me a very good feeling every time I use it. Thank you very much to Mr. Zuckerberg for creating Facebook.

I religiously check my account and would feel very excited receiving invitations from old friends and from unknown people that I just met online. Every time I have new pictures, I would immediately upload it for my family and friends to see. I get to chat with them for long hours only to realize that I have failed to do other things which are important. Thank goodness I never accepted invitations from friends to play games which I think a lot of my friends on FB are into it.

As days passed by, I noticed that people apparently post everything in their account. Some would share beautiful and inspiring quotations, passages, stories, and pictures from different sources. Others would post feel good photos and memorabilia that I have never seen before. Also, I am reminded everyday of my friends’ birthday. Thus, I would send my short and sweet greetings to each and every one of them.

Sadly, I have observed that others are so insensitive and shameless posting pictures, websites, and words that are obscene and vulgar in nature. Needless to say, people find joy and happiness from sharing such kind of materials. Also, there are other people who are likely to enjoy announcing to everyone their location or whereabouts. Perhaps, privacy is not an issue for most of them. The biggest population likely to find gratification from uploading photos of food, personal trips, posh restaurants, branded items, partners in life, new cars, acquired properties, personal photo of their sexy and nude poses which they appear to be very proud to share to the rest of the world. Surprisingly, it has also become a venue for emotional catharsis for many who are sad, depressed, homesick, problematic or heartbroken which elicit different responses from friends.

The most pressing issue being faced by parents, school administrators, employers, and other concerned groups nowadays is how to teach and promote the proper use and control of it. Many of them started to block and monitor the use of it because of the growing danger it gives to many people especially to the young. In fact, news all over the world showed that many lives were taken away because of the relentless use of this social networking site.

It is a formidable reality that people from all walks of life regardless of race, culture, gender, creed, and even socio-economic status in life are hooked if not addicted to this great phenomenon called FB world. It surely has its pros and cons but it is always up to the person to exercise prudence, respect, control, and sensitivity towards the use of all social networking sites available. Ultimately, we should always be responsible and accountable to everything that we post and do with our personal account.

Is FB your world too?

A Tribute to My Father

June 19, 2011 is Fathers’ Day!

On this occasion, my fond memories of my father bring back   to life  the years of his earthly existence and they are flashed before  me like that in a movie screen, and the  scenes appear so real. As they are played in my mind and I see them in my eyes,  I get  a   mixed feeling of melancholy and gratitude. Melancholy in the sense that I miss him and this thoughtful and gentle sadness is mixed with regret that he did not live longer than 67 years. How I wished he lived until this day as I personally would have wanted to see him spend his life after 60  free from physical toiling and in total  relaxation and enjoyment. But that is not how God had planned it to be and He called him back may be because He needs a  creative,  exacting,  and professional handyman in heaven.  

Gratitude is what I owe to God for giving us our father who did what he could to provide for us without complaining at all no matter how physiologically tiring it must have been for him to juggle carpentry and joinery, blacksmithing, farming, and family life. He is a man of few words and I can only surmise what must have been in his thoughts in those moments when I saw him physiologically dreary and exasperated.  The moments I would hear him talk a lot were at nighttime when he was tipsy with ‘tuba’, and somehow I wished then that nighttime would come so I could have a glimpse of his thoughts and feelings about ‘life’.   He is one person who would internalize his thoughts and feelings rather than blurt them out as he is more introverted, and this is one trait I got from him.  If there is one striking character in him that I suppose all of us children were able to imbibe, it is being a ‘homebuddy’. This trait has been innate in each one of us that it manifests itself automatically in our behavior.  My father would always make it a point that his drinking buddies would go to our house and not the other way around. He was uncompromising in this.  In those rare moments he had to go out with his drinking buddies, he would make it a point to come back within the shortest time interval possible. No one could prevent him from being away from home longer than he thought would be needed.  Despite the lure of going out with friends to drink after work especially during payday, he was consistent in politely saying ‘no’.  The pull of the home was always more powerful than the pull of  leisure time with buddies. To him, he would rather spend the money for family needs than for leisurely pursuits.

There are too  many good things that can be mentioned about my father that they will make for a good biography. But on this special occasion, I would like to bring to the surface those that I can recall at the moment as my special tribute to the man who I owe my life to and the man that taught me through his own unique and quiet ways what ‘dignity of labor’ is and should be.

I love you and I sorely miss you Tatay!

Amang: My Father Whom God Has Blessed Me With

In my previous blogs, I have already shared some of my significant moments with my father. We call him Amang in my country the Philippines.

My Amang grew up from a very poor family. In fact, he only reached Grade 3 and he was not able to learn how to read and write. He worked as a janitor in a factory near our house. I remember during election time, I would accompany him to the voting precinct to guide him and give him instructions on what to do. When I was an elementary student, he would ask me to accompany him to watch the baseball game of my eldest brother to be his “tourist guide.” I would read for him the signboard on the jeepney which we have to take going to the venue. This incident strongly motivated me to study hard and make my father feel proud that even if he was illiterate he was blessed with an educated son. Thus, I tried my best to excel in my academics.

My Amang may not fully know the importance of education and the accomplishments I have earned academically but I have realized that he was one of the reasons why I strove hard to earn the highest possible academic degree. When I invited him for my masteral degree graduation, he replied by saying, “Why do I have to attend, you are not going to graduate with honors anyway?” Honestly, I tried my very best to graduate with honors. I was a consistent academic scholar and academic excellence awardee until I received a grade in my very last subject which disqualified me to earn the distinction. When I heard that from my Amang, honestly, I did not feel bad because I know that someday I will reap the fruits of my labor. Now, I have already realized the reason why I did not graduate with honors, God wanted me to learn and possess the most important human and holy virtue, humility.

Since Amang was addicted to alcohol and nicotine, he would always be with his friends drinking alcohol practically everyday. He would spend more time with them and would only go home when he will eat, sleep, watch television, and will do his personal routine. I would not deny that I have cursed my Amang for hurting everyone in the family both physically, psychologically, and emotionally especially my Inang.

If you ask me if I love Amang, with all humility my answer is YES! As I grow older, I have realized that we learn more from our painful and sad experiences in life. It may sound crazy but I have to thank my Amang for that. He has taught me a lot of good values from those painful moments and those are to be forgiving, accepting, understanding, and loving as a son and as a Christian.

My Amang may have not been an ideal father but I still consider him as a loving and caring father. When I was 4 years old, he brought me to a perya (carnival) for a ride in a ferris wheel. He was drunk then and I remember him telling me, “Anak pasensya ka na, iyan lang ang kaya ng Amang mo.” (Son, I am very sorry because your father can only give you this much.) I will never forget those words of Amang which made me realize that no matter how much Amang wanted to show his love to me and my siblings, he could only do as much. I know in my heart the reason why Amang uttered those words. It has something to do with his personal history from the day he was born until the time he became my father.

After 5 years of working in Indonesia, I went back home to the Philippines. It was my constant hope and prayer then, only to realize that I will take care of Amang on his remaining months. It was the most unforgettable, loving, and nurturing moments I had with Amang. Through him, I was able to show and learn all the loving values that a son could give to his father.

One day when we rushed him to the hospital, I thought that it was his time to go. By the grace of God, he still made it on that day. I whispered to him, “Amang, I am very thankful to the Lord because you are still here with me.” He told me not to confine him anymore because he feels very sorry that I have to spend my hard earned money from working abroad. I don’t mind if I have to use up every single peso I have saved if that will prolong his life with the hope that he will be totally healed from his sickness.

Through all the pain, sacrifice, service, joy, happiness, and loving moments I had with Amang, I have come to realize that no matter what I have been through with him, he is my Amang whom God has blessed me with.

I misss you very much Amang and I hope and pray to God to see you again and celebrate Father's Day in heaven. Happy Father's Day Amang and I love you very much.

Everything in this World is Temporary

“The only thing that is permanent in this world is temporary.”
- Socrates

Do you agree that everything in this world is temporary?
If you agree that it is temporary, look around you
How come there are many people who are preoccupied or addicted with things that will not last?
Like food, clothes, big house, land acquisition, prestige, power, sex, etc.
I may be able to explain all these from a psychological perspective
But I still believe that these are just means for us to strive for what is eternal
I don’t want to sound righteous or preachy but I strongly believe that many of us still enjoy the things of this world

When I was young, I always wish that I could have what I want
When I was a student, I always wish that I could get high grades
When I was working, I always wish that I could get high salary
When I have enough money, I always wish that I can have more
But as I grow older and wiser, I realized that everything in this world is temporary

Today when I woke up, I just uttered the words, “Thank you God for everything.”
I have thought that my life is temporary and that I have to live my best
But how can I do it if I am strongly preoccupied and influenced by my egocentricity
I always think of my past and future and tend to forget my present
How can I live a life not rooted on its temporal existence?

I do not have all the answers to my concerns, questions, and preoccupations
All I know is that life is short and that I have to live as if it’s my last
At the end of the day, I can humbly say that I have live a good life
A life that is rooted on what is good and eternal
I have shared to a friend that when the day comes that I have to finally close my eyes
When I open it again, the first thing I would like to see is God and my parents

As I continue to live in this world full of enigma and intricacy
I will always carry with me all the good lessons I have learned
So when the day comes that this temporary life comes to an end
I can humbly say to myself and to my God that I have tried to live a good life
Despite of my imperfections and human frailties

Now that I am living my present
I will enjoy every single day of it
As I will always be reminded of my guiding principle in life
“I shall pass through this world but ones
If therefore there be any kindness I can show
Or any goodness I can do
Let me do it now, let me not defer it nor neglect it
For I shall never pass this way again.”

Be Proactive

The concept of proactivity is not something new. It has been there since time immemorial and has been espoused by many who treaded the path of life ahead of us and left their lasting legacy. But it took a man in our contemporary history to give a name to it; a name that has become universally accepted; a name that has an appeal; a name that sells. This man is Stephen Covey; the man who developed the famous self-help school of thought that is the 7 Basic Habits of Highly Effective People.

Habit is the interaction of knowledge, skill, and desire.  “Being proactive”  is the 1^st Habit; the habit of personal vision; it means taking responsibility for our attitudes, and actions; taking responsibility for our own lives.   The key word is “responsibility”.   Break the word “responsibility” into two parts:  response/ability. Proactive people develop the ability to choose their response, making them more of a product of their values and decisions than their moods and conditions.  Proactive people make things happen.

Many behavioral scientists have built reactive stimulus-response models of human behavior based on studies of animals, such as rats and dogs.  These theorists asserted that:

Stimulus (S) elicits programmed Response (R) that is more or less automatic.

                

They advocated the idea of programmed responses of humans to stimuli.

                                                                                                                           

Conversely, little research, if any at all, has been conducted with healthy, creative, proactive people who exercise the freedom to choose their response to any given internal or external stimulus

                  Stimulus (S)        FREEDOM            Response (R)

The point is, the more we exercise our freedom to choose our response/ability, the more PROACTIVE we become. It is a “habit that feeds in itself”.  So many things can be said to explain proactivity, but the following phrase  would say it all: 

To “be proactive” means:  to be an architect of out own life.

THE DONKEY STORY

One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The farmer frantically thought what to do as the stricken animal cried out to be rescued. With no obvious solution, the farmer regretfully concluded that as the donkey was old, and as the well needed to be filled in anyway, he should give up the idea of rescuing the beast, and simply fill in the well. Hopefully the poor animal would not suffer too much, he tried to persuade himself.

The farmer asked his neighbors’ help, and before long they all began to shovel earth quickly into the well. When the donkey realized what was happening he wailed and struggled, but then, to everyone's relief, the noise stopped.

After a while the farmer looked down into the well and was astonished by what he saw. The donkey was still alive, and progressing towards the top of the well. The donkey had discovered that by shaking off the dirt instead of letting it cover him, he could keep stepping on top of the earth as the level rose. Soon the donkey was able to step up over the edge of the well, and he happily trotted off.

                LIFE TENDS TO SHOVEL DIRT ON TOP OF EACH OF US FROM    TIME TO TIME. THE TRICK IS TO SHAKE IT OFF AND TAKE A STEP UP.

 Proactive people are Victors out of a situation while reactive people are Victims of a situation. 

So, ladies & gentlemen, what do we choose?

Lessons from the Buffet Table

“When people tell you something, a sort of a feedback, do you accept, ignore or get affected by it in any way, positively or negatively? I have learned how, it’s just like getting ready to have a buffet meal.”

This was a part of my discussion with my weekend class. I realized my trainees couldn’t digest the metaphor on feedback vs. buffet. Therefore I added,

“How do we sift through peoples many opinions solicited and non-solicited? Most of the time, people’s opinions differ from each other and there is no way to follow each and every advice that we get. This often leaves us confused.”

At least with this explanation, my trainees found a bit ray of hope. Yes, our teacher is sober! Wanting to explicitly state my point rather being implied, I carried on,

“Would you agree with me that we cannot please everyone?”

With their nods, I figured they agreed with my question.

“So why try anyway? When people throw their opinions and advice at me, I take into heart that they have the best intention for me to be better. Like going into a buffet meal, I cannot eat everything served on the buffet table. I just pick out the things that I would want to eat and would satisfy my hunger.”

At this moment, they seemed interested and have figured out the message.

“Let us just try to be picky with advice and choose very well on what to accept just like what we want to pick and eat at the buffet table. After all, it’s your appetite that you want to satisfy and your tummy that you would want to fill.”

I love to conduct trainings. It gives me a chance to teach myself while teaching others. While I was cooking up the training, I was able to give myself a sweet taste of life’s lessons. It’s amazing how I give myself some surprises every single day. Never would have I imagined to get a lesson from the buffet table. Happy Eating!

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WINNING

I miss blogging! FYI

Most of the writers have been on Sabbatical for personal reasons. I have been away because I was busy winning.

Funny how life’s many different thinkers have views on winning. Others would prod you to give your best shot, win it all and grab the biggest trophy. Others say that it’s not the winning that matters but how you play the game.

Which leaves me to realize that indeed there are many relative things in life – this includes winning?

See, whether you finish the race or you get the biggest trophy; IT’S STILL ABOUT THE WINNING.

Two lessons which I have learned recently and wish to share this with you.

1. Life prepares you into whatever situation you will be in. So you are armed with the right experience, values, and mind-set whether in success or failure.

Months back I have written in my journal…”Not all battles are meant to be fought and it doesn’t matter that you win it all. It’s more of embracing reality to make peace with oneself.” Sonya

Now why would I write something like that? Well, because indeed life prepared me for something which I was not expecting.

2. The only way to win is to keep trying.

Probably some wise thinker has already said this before and I humbly borrow this line to be my own personal mantra.

It’s not only about joining a competition that I have perceived winning to be with, but it is also with the many aspects of life. Situations, friends and career can be quite a challenge sometimes but I am confident that no matter what comes, life has already prepared me for it and all I need to do is to keep on trying to win it. After all, IT’S ALL ABOUT THE WINNING.

Fyi, I feel great after blogging!

With all my love,

Sonya