Counseling: A Misunderstood Profession

My career as a Counselor started way back 1997, when my professor in the graduate school invited me to apply as a University Counselor in one of the biggest universities in Manila. At that time, I just wanted to study because I felt bored working as an office employee. I never thought that I would end up working as a School Counselor for 14 years now.

I was motivated to make a blog about my career as a Counselor which I consider my ministry because of the sad and unacceptable reality I experience in my professional practice. I never expect that I have to go through a very tough and tumultuous moments in my counseling life which put me in an extremely difficult situation. I have to educate people for them to understand and appreciate counseling. Sadly, not everyone believed and respected the way it must be practiced.

My employment contract abroad was not renewed where I worked as a Counselor / Teacher. I was doing counseling and teaching at the same time. Needless to say, a counselor cannot enter into a dual relationship whereby he is the counselor and teacher of the students. Why? As a teacher, how can I tell my students to see their Counselor who happens to be me? Being the lone counselor, that really puts me in a big conundrum. Seemingly, not many people know that part of my job is to keep sensitive information of students with utmost confidentiality. At the start of the school year, I was advised by my principal that I can already look for a new job. Reason? Guess what? I know a lot of information about the school and they were afraid that I might divulge it. Honestly, I was not renewed because the school owner was afraid that I might tell others about my counseling sessions with their daughter. Part of my ethical training and practice is to keep confidential information of my counselee unless there is an imminent threat or danger in the life of my counselee and the people involved in his/her issues, thus, that’s the only time I can break confidentiality.

Just the same, I was not offered a new employment contract in the next school where I worked as a Counselor / Teacher again. The school owner wanted me to make a detailed report of my counseling sessions with a student. They were not satisfied with my general report. The top officers of the school individually talked to me and convinced me to come up with a comprehensive report of my counseling sessions with the student. I consulted my mentors and senior colleagues in the profession regarding this. They all said that I have to protect my counselee by all means. Apparently, they do not understand why I can only give as much information necessary. That story was full of drama and intrigue like a telenovela but I don’t want to end up a villain betraying the person who trusted me so much.

Also, I will never forget the time when I joined my students in Singapore for a school immersion; I was excited because I will have a chance to talk with the School Counselors hoping that I would learn a lot from them. Unfortunately, they don’t have even one Counselor considering that they are a huge school with more than 2,000 students. Obviously, they don’t see the need and importance of having School Counselors and to have a guidance and counseling program for their students.

Now, it seems that I am reliving the same experience as I continue my work here abroad. God has brought me back to this place for a noble reason. I put my faith and trust in Him as I continue my ministry in this beautiful country. I know where I stand and I know what I must do. I may be earning better from working abroad but I will never do something that will put me and my counselees in great jeopardy. At the end of the day, people I work with may misunderstood, reject, or terminate me from my job but this will never seize me from doing what is right, proper, and ethical in my practice as a Counselor.

Ultimately, I am accountable to my Great Counselor above, whom I strongly believe has given me this ministry and the gift to touch people’s lives to help them become a person that God wanted them to be.

Carpe Diem

This is the story of students at the respected "Welton Academy," a preparatory school in Vermont. Such schools were (and often still are) very conservative institutions that serve as high schools for parents who insist on sending their children to the best universities. Welton, like many prep schools, admitted only boys. The movie takes place in 1959.

The plot centers on the influence of Mr. Keating, a young and exciting English and poetry teacher, who is determined to teach his students to live life with absolute passion and to suck the marrow of life. Mr. Keating, using poetry as his vehicle, teaches his students to challenge the institutions around them.

Inspired by Mr. Keating's philosophy of life, many of his students recreated the "Dead Poet's Society," a secret club which meets in a cave in order to discuss poetry, philosophy and other topics. The club, which Mr. Keating had created many years earlier when he was a student at Welton, would be completely unacceptable to the conservative school, which discourages students from "thinking for themselves." Indeed, Welton students should be in their rooms, studying only the prescribed materials that their teachers assign.

The two main characters, one is the painfully shy Todd Anderson and the other who is exceedingly bright and popular but very much under the thumb of his overbearing father, along with their other friends, got themselves drawn to Professor Keating who has become a strong influence in their thoughts and actions. He encourages them to go against the status quo and each, in his own way, does this, and is changed for life.

"Carpe Diem!"

The most important words in the movie! Latin for "seize the day," or more generally, "live life to the fullest." Although a Latin term, this movie popularized it into a relatively uncommon expression used by English speakers.

In Real Life

We are not Dead Poets but living people, and as such, constant learners and communicators. Like the high school boys in the story, we discuss all topics under the sun, as part of our intellectual exercise and as we give “life to word” and give “word to life”. “Verbum vitam”. In real life, and as part of a collectivist society, we are Mr. John Keating to each other, as we are a mentor to each other and we are expected to influence one another to think critically and productively and express these thoughts in words to enable each other to live life to the fullest. That can only be possible if we put in our mind and heart to “seize the day” every day, as every day is a day of opportunity. For us to be able to live life fully, let us make it a point to “seize the day”, to suck the marrow of life. Let us do what we can today and not wait for tomorrow as the present is real. For yesterday is only a dream, tomorrow only a vision, but today well lived will make every yesterday a dream of happiness and tomorrow a vision of hope. Mark Twain once said that “Twenty years from now, we will be more disappointed by the things we did not do than by the things we did. So fellow humans, let us throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor and catch the trade winds of our sails. Let us explore, dream, and discover. Carpe Diem!

Legion of Mary: My Love and Devotion

“I am all Yours my Queen and my Mother
and all that I have is Yours!”
This is the promise of all legionaries in the whole world which is recited during “Acies,” the renewal day of our commitment as a legionary.

I started as a member of the Legion of Mary at a very young age of 9. I was recruited by my youngest brother Terry. We became  active members of the junior praesidium, Regina Angelorum, which means Queen of Angels. I vividly recall the happy moments I had together with my brothers in the legion. We prayed the rosary during our Sunday meetings and we were assigned to attend the block rosary in our barangay as one of our regular services. As I continued participating in the activities of the legion, I never imagined that I would become president of the junior praesidium where I was once a member. I never felt so spiritually high when I was given the  chance to lead and inspire the young children of our parish. In fact, we had to divide our praesidium because of the increase in membership. It was indeed a big blessing to have Bro. Nilo who became the president of our new junior praesidium, Regina Juvenum, Latin for Queen of the Youth. I would not be able to humbly serve the Lord without the magnanimous support and supervision of my senior praesidium, Regina Apostolorum, Queen of the Apostles.

I remember playing with my junior legionaries every Saturday. We named our activity, “Happy Day with Mary.” Also, we had our catechism lessons which I facilitated, the confessions with our priest, the visit to the grotto in Novaliches during holy week, the fun outing every summer, our Christmas party with a lot of food, games, and with the much awaited exchange gifts, the visit to the orphanages, and all the other joyful and meaningful activities which I will never forget. As I became very much involved and committed in the Legion of Mary, I felt the strong desire to enter the seminary to become a priest. It all started as a result of my spiritual experience with my brothers in the legion who inspired me in many ways through the loving intercession of Mama Mary. However, my calling to become a full servant of the Lord  through priesthood did not happen but I still ended up fulfilling my great passion to serve as a legionary. Thus, we  created a new senior praesidium, Regina Virginorum where most of the members were junior legionaries of Regina Angelorum.

From a very young age of 7 up to now, I have never ceased to pray the holy rosary. Wherever I go and whatever I do, I always find time to pray and meditate on the life, passion, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. Mama Mary has always been my constant companion praying for me especially in the most difficult times of my life. Through Her intercession, many of my prayers were granted, like my job applications, school and scholarship applications, families and friends requests, and all other things that I have prayed for. Most of all, I remember the time I had with my family especially with my Inang and Amang praying the holy rosary. Inang, just like Mama Mary has been very faithful and indefatigable praying to God through the intercession of Mother Mary. In fact, she would wake up at three o’clock in the morning just to pray the rosary.

Now, I am trying my best to humbly serve the Lord and Mama Mary through the block rosary which my brother Terry and I started here in Jakarta. The Legion of Mary has instilled in me the value of service through prayer which I will always carry with me wherever I may be. In my mind and in my heart, I will always feel blessed to be a legionary. As the saying goes, “Once a legionary, always a legionary.”

Mahiwaga Ang Buhay

Mahiwaga ang buhay ng tao
Ang bukas ay di natin biro
At manalig lagi sana tayo
Ang Diyos s’yang pag-asa ng mundo…….
Mahiwaga nga ba talaga ang buhay ng tao?
Sa aking pananaw mahiwaga nga ang buhay
Dahil kung ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo
Ay kayang arukin ng kaalaman ng tao
At bigyang kasagutan ang bawat katanungan
Marahil di na magiging mahiwaga ang buhay
Dahil ang lahat ay may tiyak na kapaliwanagan

Noong ako’y bata pa
Sabi ko sa aking sarili
Bakit kailangang may mayaman at mahirap
Di ba pwedeng lahat ng tao ay mayaman na lamang
Para wala na lang nagugutom at nahihirapan
Wala na ring nanlilimos at madudungis sa lansangan

Dahil ako ay mula sa kahirapan
Na lumaki sa kalinga ng aking ina at ama na dukha
Di ko man nais maging mahirap ay wala akong magagawa
Kundi makipamuhay sa karukhaaan na aking kinagisnan
Mahirap, mapait, masakit, nakakahiya at nakakapanliit
Ngunit di ko hinayaan ang sarili na panghinaan

Bakit ganoon?
Kahit anong pilit kong iangat ang buhay kong ito
At bigyan ng kaginhawahan ang aking mga magulang
May mga pangyayari na siyang naging hadlang
Upang ang aking hangarin ay di lubusang makamtan

Ngayong pumanaw na ang aking mga magulang
At binawi ng tadhana ang bahay na pinaghirapan
Tanong ko sa Maykapal, “Bakit nangyari ang ganito?”
Di ba't ako naman ay mabuti na tao?

Naging malungkot at magulo ang isipan
Nahirapang tanggapin ang pangit na karanasan
Damdamin at sarili ay lalong nagulumihanan
Naghanap ng kasagutan sa aking pinagdaanan

Ngayon wari ko’y batid ko na ang totoo
Mahiwaga nga ang buhay at yan ay totoo
Sa patuloy kong pag-aangat sa buhay na nabigo
Batid ko na ang Diyos ay kasa-kasama ko

Sa patuloy kong paglalakbay sa buhay na ito
Dalangin ko lamang ay gabayan ako
Di ko kayang unawain ang lahat ng ito
Dahil patuloy ang hiwaga na di ko lubos matanto

Sa bandang huli ito ang dalangin ko
Kung saan man patutungo ang buhay kong ito
Nawa’y masulyapan muli ang mga magulang ko
At makapiling din sana buong pamilya ko

Buhay na mahiwaga, salamat sa iyo
Dahil ako’y pinatatag mo at kailanma’y di susuko
Kung saan man at paano man magtatapos ito
Alam kong sa Maykapal ang huling hantungan ko!

EMOTIONS

Song:

           

            Happiness is five different crayons,

               knowing a secret, climbing a tree.

            Happiness is learning to whistle,

               catching a firefly, setting him free.

            Happiness is being alone every now and then.

            And happiness is coming home again.

We are all feelers  all the time.  With every breath we take, with very move we make, with every word we say …  every action, reaction,  decision is stimulated by an emotion.

We are great feelers every minute of the day. We are feelers through our talking but also in our silence. We are feelers when we are awake  and also  during our sleep.  

Emotions are what we are. We are basically what we feel.

Some emotions can be very visible while others would be very hidden,  sneaking in our body and mind, lurking in the deepest recesses of our mind and soul.   The raw emotions we see can be a manifestation of a primordial emotion and in that case, the raw emotion becomes the visible one while the primordial emotion becomes the hidden one. 

Many emotions can be very visible in their manifestations although their  being evident is also affected by their intensity and the capacity of the person to feel and show what he/she feels.  When we are happy, we smile, shout, jump, laugh, and even cry.  When we are sad, we shed tears, cry, sulk, etc.

Some emotions that we see would be outward visible signs of primitive emotions that are hidden. How many times have you seen your child suffering from stomach pain, and therefore, crying and wriggling in pain, not because of his chocolate or cereal bar, but because of fear and resistance?  Maybe you have experienced the same when it was your first day in school or when you dreaded going to school as a young boy/girl and yet you had to for fear of your parent’s anger.

How many times that  out of fear,  you wanted to shout but you couldn’t  for one reason or another?  And how many times in the past when you were very excited and yet you could not just act it out because the circumstances did not warrant it?

What about loss of appetite? It can be a manifestation of either or a constellation of the following emotions:   sadness, anger, fear, depression, etc.

Emotions regulate our lives.  Emotions are universal, hence, there is  no need for a dictionary or  translators and experts to understand the language of emotions. We just need to  listen to our inner selves  and listen to others.  We need to allow ourselves to feel and not think. We just need to open our heart to them, refrain from judging,  and we will understand the emotion/s behind every step and action of others and our own.

Emotions can be also reflected through a walk, a dance,  voice tone, etc.

Emotions can be depicted through a painting, music, or any work of ART.  Studies have showed that excellent  artists paint, dance, compose a melody,  or create a sculpture, etc. out of a deep pain, or to have a venue to express their emotional state.   

We can’t live without emotions and believe it or not, people who appear unemotional are the  most fragile and vulnerable. They are the people who are too  afraid to get so overwhelmed with emotions that they decided long time ago to shut out what they feel,  build a fence to  protect themselves from the intensity of emotions and feelings, that through their own folly they believe can truly harm them.

But believe me, people who do not feel at all are those ones who are very dangerous. 

Hence, let us not deprive ourselves of feeling what we feel, as emotions are a gift, an endowment, a faculty that allows us to regulate our health, our life.

SONG:

For happiness is anyone and anything at all,

   that’s loved by you.

FB World, My World

I started to have my very first social networking account thru the persuasion and magnanimity of my best friend Elvin. In fact, I told him that I don’t need one because I already have many friends plus I am not a tekky person as well. As I explore the ins and outs of it, I see myself developing great interest and alacrity into it especially when I was able to communicate with my family, friends, and classmates which I have not seen for ages. After the Friendster mania, the genius Mark Zuckerberg introduced the very famous and widely used Facebook.

Admittedly, I am one of those millions of users who got hooked into it. Just the same, I was able to get in touch with good friends since childhood and classmates from elementary, high school, and college. It really gives me a very good feeling every time I use it. Thank you very much to Mr. Zuckerberg for creating Facebook.

I religiously check my account and would feel very excited receiving invitations from old friends and from unknown people that I just met online. Every time I have new pictures, I would immediately upload it for my family and friends to see. I get to chat with them for long hours only to realize that I have failed to do other things which are important. Thank goodness I never accepted invitations from friends to play games which I think a lot of my friends on FB are into it.

As days passed by, I noticed that people apparently post everything in their account. Some would share beautiful and inspiring quotations, passages, stories, and pictures from different sources. Others would post feel good photos and memorabilia that I have never seen before. Also, I am reminded everyday of my friends’ birthday. Thus, I would send my short and sweet greetings to each and every one of them.

Sadly, I have observed that others are so insensitive and shameless posting pictures, websites, and words that are obscene and vulgar in nature. Needless to say, people find joy and happiness from sharing such kind of materials. Also, there are other people who are likely to enjoy announcing to everyone their location or whereabouts. Perhaps, privacy is not an issue for most of them. The biggest population likely to find gratification from uploading photos of food, personal trips, posh restaurants, branded items, partners in life, new cars, acquired properties, personal photo of their sexy and nude poses which they appear to be very proud to share to the rest of the world. Surprisingly, it has also become a venue for emotional catharsis for many who are sad, depressed, homesick, problematic or heartbroken which elicit different responses from friends.

The most pressing issue being faced by parents, school administrators, employers, and other concerned groups nowadays is how to teach and promote the proper use and control of it. Many of them started to block and monitor the use of it because of the growing danger it gives to many people especially to the young. In fact, news all over the world showed that many lives were taken away because of the relentless use of this social networking site.

It is a formidable reality that people from all walks of life regardless of race, culture, gender, creed, and even socio-economic status in life are hooked if not addicted to this great phenomenon called FB world. It surely has its pros and cons but it is always up to the person to exercise prudence, respect, control, and sensitivity towards the use of all social networking sites available. Ultimately, we should always be responsible and accountable to everything that we post and do with our personal account.

Is FB your world too?