“The 5th Commandment: Honor your father and your mother.”

Today, March 24, 2011 is the 1st year death anniversary of my Amang (father). Days are very fast and I can’t imagine that it’s been a year now since my Amang passed away.


As I shared in my previous blog, my Amang died because of emphyzema, a lung disease due to excessive smoking. Added to that, my Amang was also an alcoholic. But according to my Inang (mother), he was not smoking nor drinking alcohol until he was influenced by his friends.


During my younger years, I had a lot of issues with my Amang. He is one father that many wouldn’t want to have. I remember the time when he embarrassed me in front of his friends. He was saying hurting words to me and I was just crying and gasping for breath as a child. I was 10 years old then when that incident happened. Also, I vividly recall the many times he physically hurt me for no good reason at all. He was sleeping one time and I accidentally hit his leg. He got mad and just hit me on the head. I felt very dizzy and I thought I will collapse at that time. He even broke a wooden hanger on my body and threw me off into a wooden cabinet like a stray cat. I even witnessed my Amang slapping the face of my Inang and cursing her without any respect at all. When I graduated from my masteral degree, I invited him to attend the commencement exercise. He replied by saying, “You are not graduating with honors so why do I have to attend!” Still, he attended my graduation. I may have recalled these unpleasant moments I had with my Amang but these were all in the past now.

I also have good memories of my Amang. He taught me the Kundiman song (Filipino old song) which I rendered in a singing competition where he watched me perform. During family gathering and reunion, he would try to entertain us by his out of this world dance move. When I was already working, he would carry me at his back like a young kid because the way going to our house was flooded with water and he would not mind carrying my weight. Likewise, he would clean up the flood water from our house and would not complain even if he gets tired from repeatedly doing the same thing. I also remember the time that I needed money, he borrowed from a friend and pledged as payment the retirement benefit he would receive from the factory where he worked as a janitor. Most especially, I will never ever forget the time he would sip out the colds from my nose and he would spit it out from his mouth without any disgust at all.


When Amang started to feel weak, he stopped smoking and drinking. He has changed a lot especially the way he treated us. I was given a chance to take care of my Amang during his moment of pain and suffering. I promised myself that I will give the best for my Amang and Inang while they are still alive. I had a chance to bring him to Boracay, a holiday destination in the Philippines. It was his very first time to ride in an airplane at the age of 75. I felt very happy being with my Amang but his body at that time was not that strong anymore for him to enjoy our trip.


During the time that I was taking care of him, I was able to express to him my issues. He can’t remember it anymore. He even said that he was just disciplining me and the rest of my siblings. While I was opening my heart to my Amang, I don’t feel any pain but I felt sad because we could have had more happy time together than sad and painful moments.


On his last day, he was brought in to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). I was just at the window staring at my Amang because I cannot bear the sight of losing him. I have loved and still love my Amang so much despite and inspite of his human frailties. I will never ever forget the time he brought me to a perya (carnival) while he put the tickets around his neck and said, “My son please forgive me if Amang can only give you as much.” Up to this time, that moment was still very vivid in my mind. Thus, I fully understood and eventually accepted my Amang as my father.


Now that he is gone, I miss him very much and I am longing to be with him again someday. My Amang may not have been an ideal father but I know that he is the father that God has given me. I believe that he was given to me by God for a good reason. God wanted me to become a better son, sibling, and a loving person to people around me.


The 5th Commandment: Honor your father and your mother, period. Regardless of the kind of father and mother that we have, we still have to accept and love them unconditionally because they are the parents that God has given us.


I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU AMANG!