The Metamorphosis

Gregor Samsa woke up one day to find himself inexplicably transformed into a giant bug.  Prior to this dreaded day, Gregor was a traveling salesman who hated his job.  He was the sole breadwinner in the family that was composed of a slouching, defeated father, a physically and constitutionally weak mother, and an adoring and devoted younger sister.  His transformation into a giant insect left the totally economically dependent family in disarray.

After the transformation, his younger sister took on the sole responsibility for his care.  His father, a loser, whose business failure sapped his vitality,  despised Gregor and his current condition as he was no longer of utility to the family. His mother, although she loved him, could not bear the sight of her son in bug form, as its effect on her health was  terrible.

To survive,  his  family had to find work. His father found a work in bank and this helped him restore his faith and confidence in himself. His sister found a work in a store, while his mother was sewing piecework and doing the chores, as the servant had been let go.

One night, when his asthmatic mother accidentally caught sight of him crawling on the wall, she collapsed in shock.  This triggered his father’s wrath and at last, he began to pelt Gregor with apples. One penetrated Gregor’s back, producing excruciating pain that weakened him and eventually reduced him to invalidity. No one had the nerve to remove the apple from his back, but consequentially, he was no longer treated as an enemy.

Time passed by with each one attending to his/her duties, hence,  no one had much time or energy to worry about Gregor.  The family gave up hope that Gregor would  “come back” to them. Consigned to oblivion, unwanted, covered in dust, and now barely able to move,  Gregor, not wanting to cause anymore burden to the family,  willed himself to die.

End of the story

Gregor Samsa was a character created by Franz Kafka, a Czech existential writer who lived in the first quarter of the 20^th century,   in a novel “ The Metamorphosis”.

There have been countless attempts at interpreting this allegorical novel. I would venture putting my own before you now.

Gregor’s transformation into a bug can be seen both as a blessing or a curse to the family, depending on the reader’s perspective.  His transformation and eventual death triggered the transformation of his family and paved the way for the onset of a new phase of life in them.  With his death, “the great burden” that held the family hostage for sometime was finally lifted. With his death, the  liberation of their spirits occurred,  self-respect truly bloomed, and the future became  a bearable thought. Transformation is a reality in our daily life and they come in all sizes and packages.  Generally, change can give us an unsettling feeling thereby making us initially reactive to it. But if it is viewed as a  chance  to go through another phase of life, then we would probably welcome it with open arms. But of course taking that perspective never comes that easy, but with practice, we can become better.

“What the caterpillar calls an end, the butterfly calls a beginning”. “Death” is a chance to move to a higher state of existence, and it does not matter whether you are a leper leaving a cord or coat or a scourge when you die, or a  leopard leaving the same or becoming a goat upon its  death, or a man leaving his name when he dies. One thing I believe is certain though, that the “death” of something, is the beginning of another thing in a higher plane of being and existence.

As people of  this contemporary time, we are faced with a bigger challenge to continuously transform ourselves into fully-functioning individuals, otherwise,  we would be considered a misfit, maladujsted, and may be rendered obsolete after some time.  Upon accomplishment of one goal, we move forward to attaining another and the cycle goes on. Life takes  on a spiral cycle continuously  until the end of our earthly existence. In our life, we are called and challenged to metamorphose.  It is up to us to respond when but if I may say so, I would say ‘The time is now”.

Let  us all embrace metamorphosis in our lives!!!

On Good Manners!

When I was a 2nd year college student in psychology at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines in Sta. Mesa, I remember being so excited with my Effective Speech class. My excitement was doubled by the challenge of my braggart classmate who dared me that whoever gets the highest mark for our speech in class will treat the winner for snacks. I gently replied by saying, okay. Honestly, I got excited more because of the free snacks.

My speech was composed by my brother Billy M. Dionisio who made a soul inspiring speech and it goes like this.....


ON GOOD MANNERS!

When I was a small kid and the urge for fun and frolic was on me, my mother would usually tell me: Little boy don't do that, that's not good.Or perhaps: Young boy, next time this is what you should do. Almost everyday, those same bunch of do's and dont's.Those same soporific routine of words which have always disturbed me and stifled my childish curiousity.

One fine morning, as I walked through the thickly-peopled street going to school, I saw how a young boy escorted an old grandlady in crossing the street and the old woman was safe.  On board a jeepney one late afternoon, I witnessed how a middle aged man offered his space for a seat to a young lady. And the man painstakingly clutched at the rear of the vehicle until we reached our destination. Small but priceless deeds of good manners. Now, who says that chivalry is dead.

No sir, it is very much alive and it is here in the hearts of many a great man

If only all people in this world possess that one great trait in their hearts...
If despite all differences in conviction or race or creed or religion...
If only you and I will join hands toward the preservation of this one enormous treasure...
Then, undoubtedly, there will be peace, harmony, and understanding in this face of the earth.
You and I deserve the respect and dignity from our fellowmen.
Our country deserves the freedom and justice of human conduct.
The world deserves to be happy and the whole universe echoes for yearning and championing the cause of human right.  And all of this boils down to one basic and fundamental thing, good manners!

Now, when I remember what my mother would usually tell me when I was a small kid, "Little boy do that, young boy do this.", I admit in all admiration that she has her point. She has always wanted me to discover one great simple thing- Good manners, the ultimate secret of success. That old reliable trait that has made me and has changed me, truly a man!

After I delivered my speech, I vividly recall the tumultuous applause by my classmates and the sweet and beautiful smile of my teacher. She even asked me if I made the speech. I said that it was my brother who composed it.

When it was time for my teacher to announce who gets the highest grade for the speech, everyone was anxious to find out because of the deal made by my classmate. Then I heard my teacher saying the name, Edgardo Dionisio. I felt happy and proud of myself because I was able to deliver it with justice according to the evaluation of my teacher. True to her word, my classmate treated me for snacks. I enjoyed it so much because it's free.

Looking back 24 years ago, I still remember my proud moment and still memorize all the lines in that speech. But is that really the most important part of my experience? Is that what matters most at this point of my life? I think that the message is loud and clear. That I have to show and share good manners to people around me. Was I able to display good manners all the time? Maybe yes or maybe no.

I have realized that if only all the people in this world would greatly show good manners, there will be peace, equality, justice, mercy, love, patience, forgiveness, and all other virtues that you can think of. Let us be reminded to share good manners whoever we are with and wherever we are. After all, this I believe will be our gateway to heaven.

Thank you my beloved brother for sharing this great speech. I am proud to say that this is the reason why you are very successful in life. You have always been a good example of a person who always shows good manners.

Psyche Me Up: 1st Chapter

You are what you think. You feel what you want.

Why Think Positively? All of our feelings, beliefs,  and knowledge are based on our internal thoughts, both conscious and subconscious. We are in control, whether we know it or not.
Aim high and do your best. We can be positive or negative, enthusiastic or dull, active or passive. The biggest difference between people is their attitude. For some, learning is enjoyable and exciting. For others, learning is a drudgery. For many, learning is just okay, something required on the road to a job. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." According to Abraham Lincoln, "Our present attitudes are habits, built from the feedback of parents, friends, society and self, that form our self-image and our world-image." These attitudes are maintained by the inner conversations we constantly have with ourselves, both consciously and subconsciously.

The first step in changing our attitudes is to change our inner conversations.What Should We Be Saying? One approach is called the three C's: Commitment, Control, and Challenge. Commitment: Make a positive commitment to yourself, to learning, work, family, friends, nature, and other worthwhile causes. Praise yourself and others. Dream of success. Be enthusiastic. Control: Keep your mind focused on important things. Set goals and priorities for what you think and do. Visualize to practice your actions. Develop a strategy for dealing with problems. Learn to relax. Enjoy successes. Be honest with yourself. Challenge: Be courageous. Change and improve each day. Do your best and don't look back. See learning and change as opportunities. Try new things. Consider several options. Meet new people. Ask lots of questions. Keep track of your mental and physical health. Be optimistic. Studies show that people with these characteristics are winners in good times and survivors in hard times. Research shows that,"... people who begin consciously to modify their inner conversations and assumptions report an almost immediate improvement in their performance. Their energy increases and things seem to go better ..." Commitment, control, and challenge help build self-esteem and promote positive thinking.

Here are some other suggestions on Building Positive Attitudes
In every class, look for positive people to associate with.
In every lecture, look for one more interesting idea.
In every chapter, find one more concept important to you.
With every friend, explain a new idea you've just learned.
With every teacher, ask a question.
With yourself, keep a list of your goals, positive thoughts and actions.
Remember, you are what you think, you feel what you want.

As Stephen Covey states it in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude."

Insight: I strongly agree that to be happy in life is an 'attitude' that we exercise everyday, especially on the way we view the things happening around us. Keep up a positive attitude! What do you think?

What’s with Women and their Bags, anyway?

I remember sometime ago I was rushing to get ready on a weekend night. My partner was already 20 minutes patiently (I hoped so) waiting for me below my building. After half of my closet was piled up on top of my bed, make-up scattered on my dresser, shoes and accessories everywhere; I climbed on a stool to reach for that black purse which I imagined would fit into my outfit.

10 minutes later I was with my boyfriend gasping for breath and gave him the sweetest smile and complimenting him for PATIENTLY waiting for me for half an hour. Oh men, they can be such darlings. Hahaha

Everything was great until I uttered my excuse. “Sorry honey, I just couldn’t find my black bag.” Then he said, “Oh, so for half an hour you were looking for your handbag? You could have just gone down without it.” I’m not quite sure if it was me, the statement, the sarcastic tone or just pure nonsense that it irked me in a way. Something just didn’t sound right.

Ladies, take a good look at your closet. How many bags do you have? To be more specific, how many black handbags do you have?

A black bag needs to go with black shoes or black belt. But we would need a different bag for shopping, office, party or even just to go and buy groceries. Guys, this is my simple, black and white explanation why a woman cannot have enough bags in her wardrobe.

A woman’s basic wardrobe consists not only of clothes but with matching accessories, shoes, bags and make-up. A woman of style has to carefully match her accessories, shoes and bag to what she is wearing. They MUST complement each other in a way that she does not look like a walking Christmas tree. I mean ladies, you know what I mean. Fashion sense people!

Ladies, it is our responsibility to remind our partners and in turn, men should remember that when you first laid eyes on us – it was not our “inner beauty” that attracted you to us. It might sound harsh but guys neither look at girls nor approach them if they look funny or weird.

Maybe for you guys, I don’t make any sense. But to a woman, a bag is part of the dress; it complements the outfit and augments our beauty. Because it is with our physical beauty that has gotten you attracted to us, but it is with our inner beauty that made you loved us.

That night, I reminded my boyfriend the first time we met; he couldn’t take his eyes off me. It was not only my smile, my charming personality but it was the total package. And that included the dress, the accessories, the shoes and of course THE BAG.

…because of the bag, my man bagged me up! LOLZ

Live and Let Die!

"It's only when you start to appreciate dying that you start to appreciate living." Mitch Albom poignantly described in his book Tuesdays with Morrie a story of a man who died of a rare disease and his life story has inspired many people who have read the book.

Death? What does it really mean? How come that this phenomenon apparently solicits various thoughts and feelings? We all know that death is something natural. We were all born to live and die. That’s the truth but what is it about death that we do not want? Is it how, where, when and why we are going to die that scare us? Is death a problem? How do people cope with this? Why is it part of nature? Since time immemorial, scientists and doctors in the field of medicine have been searching for all ways and means possible to prevent death from taking place. But is it really something that can be prevented?

Spiritually, death is seen as the ultimate moment to be with the Creator. It is the beginning of great joy and happiness with the Lord. However, is death really the issue or is it how we live our life in preparation for our death that is the real deal? Many factors like religion, culture, beliefs, customs, traditions, and attitude towards life contribute to this esoteric attitude that earthlings have towards this phenomenon.

In the movie "The Shoes of the Fisherman" starred by Anthony Quinn, one character said that, "Dying is easy but it is the living that defeats us." It may sound very radical but in a spiritual sense, it is true that dying is and should be seen as a simple and joyful reality that we all must inevitably face, expectedly with thankfulness, as it elevates our existence to a higher non-physical level and that living our mundane existence can overcome our spiritual wholeness especially if we allow ourselves to be dominated by our basic instinctual longings.

After the death of my father and my mother on the same year, I have fully realized that no matter what we do, no one can escape dying. Words cannot describe the pain that I feel deep inside me especially when I remember the happy and loving moments we shared together. But why do I have to focus myself on their absence? Why can't I focus myself on the people and things that I have with me now? Why do I have to preoccupy myself with their death and not feel the goodness that life has to offer?

It is the living that is the most essential part of our earthly human life. But what do we do with our earthly life? What do we prioritize everyday? What do we preoccupy ourselves with? What do we value so much that we tend to forget the very essence of living?

After the death of my parents, another depressing incident happened to my family. Our relatives filed a case against my mother when she was still alive so that they could legally make us vacate the place where we were born and grew up in. It was a case of a very small piece of land which my relatives could not let go and give to my mother, which they knew that she has the legal right to acquire for herself. Because of poverty, my mother was not able to do something to put it under her name legally. Thus, my opportunistic relatives maneuvered everything and they were able to have legal possession of it. I just can't understand why a very small piece of land, my opulent relatives who are now living in America, cannot let go of?

Live and let die! We have to live life according to God's goodness and kindness and we have to die from all our weaknesses, obssessiveness, insecurities, idiosyncrasies, greediness, lustfulness, and sinfulness so the day will come that we can say freely that dying and living are easy and both are a joyful circumstance because they are our ultimate gateway to heaven.

Live and let die now!

See You In Heaven!

The year 2010 was the most painful and depressing year of my life. March 24, 2010 was the day when I lost my father. We call him Amang in my country the Philippines. I returned to Manila in June 2009 only to realize that I would be the caregiver of my Amang. He suffered from emphyzema, a lung disease due to excessive smoking. I was there to feed him, bathe him, wake up early in the morning to attend to him, watch him while he was sleeping to scare away the mosquitoes and make sure that his medicines were given on time. I don't have any regret nor feel bad about it because it was the sweetest and loving moment I had with my father. I even remember one time when we rushed him to the hospital, he was running after his breath and by the grace of God he survived that struggle. I whispered to him and said, I LOVE YOU AMANG AND I AM THANKFUL TO GOD THAT YOU ARE STILL HERE WITH ME.

When I was younger, I had a lot of issues with my Amang. I grew up seeing him smoking and drinking with his beermates practically everyday. There was even a time when he embarrassed me in front of them and I was crying in shame and pity. I also witnessed how he humiliated my sister and younger brother too. It was very painful because I never expected that the person who should shower me with all the love and affection in this world was the person who gave me all the pain and suffering I don't deserve. But despite of it all, I LOVE AND MISS MY AMANG VERY MUCH. I know that he is my father that God has given me.

On July 27, 2010, my mother whom we call Inang passed away too. It was very unexpected because my mother was never treated for any disease at all except for her excruciating rheumatism. I have plenty of good and loving memories of my Inang. When I was a high school student, she said that I had to stop studying because they could not afford to send me to school anymore. I begged and cried to her and said that I don't want to stop schooling. Because of her unfathomable love and concern for me, she did everything so that I would be able to continue my studies. My mother was a balut (egg) vendor and every night I would join her selling balut on the street until midnight just to have money for my schooling the next day. She never got tired of working hard just to provide for the needs of the family. She would go to the point of borrowing money or items from people just to provide for her children. I remember her sharing that she wanted to study when she was young but her old folks didnt want to send her to school. She had a lot of sad stories to share and everytime I hear it, I feel very, very sad for my Inang. She is my number 1 fan. Everytime I would sing at home with my Magicsing, she would affirm me with all good words and praises and would clap everytime I finish a song. Eventhough it's hard for her to stand, she would carry her body just to please me to be my dancing partner. I would end up hugging and kissing her until she would ask me to assist her to sit down.

When I saw her dying, it was the most painful feeling of my life because I could not bear the sight of seeing her suffer and the reality that I was losing her. She had always been and still is my inspiration in everything that I do. But now that she is gone, I hope I am still making her proud.

Now that my Inang and Amang are both gone, I feel at times empty and sad because I grew up seeing and feeling their love and presence. Inang, Amang, I know that you are always there to guide us and most especially pray for us. I will try my best to be worthy of the blessing of seeing you again one day and still be my parents in heaven. I LOVE YOU BOTH AND I THANK GOD FOR HAVING YOU AS MY PARENTS.

See you in heaven!

Nigerians Are Good People:)

I was invited to give a seminar on the topic "Public Relations" to a bunch of government officials s from Nigeria. It was my very first time to conduct a seminar outside of my country. I was excited and anxious at the same time because I didnt have any idea what would the reaction of the participants be and I had not experienced yet conducting a seminar to a different group of people from a different race and culture. I was told that they are Nigerians who work as government officers in their country.

During our first meeting, I tried my best to get their attention and assured them that it would be a fun and learning session which I always try to do in every seminar or training that I conduct. Initially, I asked them to think of a word that would best describe them as a person and that would be their 'essence name'. I remember Warm, Friendly, Nice, and Love. I saw smiles and positive reactions from them especially when I called them by their 'essence names.

As we continued with our seminar, I was challenged to give my best because they were all active, assertive, and diligent participants. Also, I observed that they are the kind of people who like to feel good by making others feel good as well. They bantered with each other, called their friends by sweet names like "mama" and they made each other laugh and smile. Most of all, I just realized that the goodness I sensed in each one of them is rooted on their faith and love of God. "Love" even shared that she wanted to go to church everyday. "Friendly" on the other hand, started our session with a prayer that was full of passion and conviction. "Warm" surprised me the most because he held my hand without inhibition and prayed for me because that day I had a scheduled job interview. Friendly, wishes me well and blessed me like a mother. They all prayed for me, wished me well, and encouraged me that I will get the job. With all their prayers and encouragement, I got the job but unfortunately I was not able to share to them the good news because that day was also my last day to be with them. I am very sure that they will be very happy for me knowing that I got the job.

Ade, Sholi, Bose and Yomi, I will never forget your goodness and kindness. You made me feel good during the two days that we shared together. I hope to see all of you again but if not, I wish and pray that we would all see each other again in heaven. Right?

I feel proud and happy to have new friends from Nigeria:)

Only God Can Forgive?

I cannot forgive my partner who betrayed my trust and loyalty. I cannot forgive my friend who rejected me for no apparent reason. I cannot forgive our government leaders for their unending 'clandestine' activity. I cannot forgive myself for all the sins that I have committed.

I remember when I was deeply hurt by my cousin for putting my mother in a very humiliating situation. I hurt myself by punching the wall of my room so as just to displace my anger as  I wanted that time to retaliate by hurting my cousin. I was fuming with anger and I was cursing my cousin because she had hurt the one I love so much, my mother. My mother was crying and I was helpless then. I could only cry with her at that time. This, I consider as the most 'unforgivable' event in my life.

We all grew up in a Catholic faith that reminds us to forgive endlessly. What can be more painful for a Father to give up the life of His only Son for the sins He has never committed?  Because we condition ourselves to  believe that only God can forgive and that we are just but human who are born to sin with all our idiosyncratic thoughts and behaviors, we take this as an excuse not to forgive.  However, we are also taught by the same  Faith  that we are all created in God’s image and likeness. We are the Alter Christus – the Other Christ.  Hence, we continuously receive God’s loving grace and mercy through the sacraments. Thus, we are empowered to exercise and share the sacrament of reconciliation by making amends to our own being and to our fellowmen.  In that connection therefore, it is not true that only God can forgive and that we cannot forgive. I believe that this is the very essence why He was crucified and died on the cross. That this may serve as a true and living example for all of us to love others as He loves all of His creation. We become one with God as we continue to commemorate and experience His life of passion, death, and resurrection, which are all manifest actions of the greatest Love that the world has known.

Now, when I remember what my cousin has done to my mother,  I can only say THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO MY ONE AND TRUE GOD. Because of Him,  I was able to forgive in my heart and I don’t feel the pain anymore. It was a very liberating and soul inspiring experience of God’s unconditional love to me. I know that you can forgive too no matter how painful it may be because God is in you.

Like what St. Therese of the Child Jesus once said, “I will make my heaven by doing good on earth.” Let us continue to aspire for goodness and support each other as one Church of God in making this world a heaven of peace, love, and reconciliation for everyone.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Snowflakes Fall at the Right Places All the Time

There is a right time for everything and everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance, and I believe that where I am right now is exactly where I have to be. The more  I examine my life in retrospect, the more I am convinced of its  truth, as crucial events in my life are a testimony to this. I will share some of these events in two aspects: career and personal development.

My career path is peppered with twists and turns that I did not intentionally seek. It started with a work in a bank, to a teaching career, then to a career in counseling psychology. While taking my masters, I met a classmate who became instrumental in my eventual employment as University Counselor of a university in Manila.

In this University, a professor and friend of mine  broached the idea of Toastmasters to me. I did not pursue this interest because of problems in transportation.  Looking back, I realized that my decision not to join was meant to be as consequential events vindicated it.

After 12 years of working as University Counselor, a major event transpired that made me decide to leave. The year was 2003. Two months after, as luck would have it, I obtained a US tourist visa to attend a convention for Sports Psychologists. But I had another purpose in mind for going there:  to explore career opportunities. But two weeks after my stay there, my brother in the UAE kept on prodding me to come to Dubai. I eventually relented and on Dec 6, 2003, I finally set foot in Dubai.  So here I am working as Sr. Consulting Psychologist in a management consultancy firm. Looking back, I realized that my decision to leave the University, to go to the US, and to come to Dubai was  for a good reason, as the consequential events that have taken place so far have vindicated it. 

In the third quarter   of 2006, I met a Filipina who breathes Toastmastering day and day out through a common friend. She was the one who re-introduced Toastmasters to me.  There could not have been any perfect time to join as the Oasis Toastmasters’ Club has just been formed.  Since I joined, I had been hesitant to do my Icebreaker until a few days ago when this lady  told me to stop procrastinating. I hated the label, so I finally decided to do my first speech. That moment came into pass, and I believe that where I was at that moment, delivering my Icebreaker as a contestant  in the International Speech Category at the Club Level,  is exactly where I had to be.

Sometimes people come into our life and we know right away that they are meant to be there…to serve some sort of purpose, teach us  a lesson or help figure out who we  are or who we  want to become.

And sometimes things happen to us at the time that may not be right  or sensible at face value,  but in retrospect,  we  realize that without them taking place in our lives, we  would not  uncover  more our potential, our  power, and our heart.
In our life, sometimes it makes sense to just take things as they come and allow life to take its own course.  As they say, some things are meant to be. If they are bound to happen, they will happen, and they will happen at the right time and for the right reason, because “Snowflakes fall at the right places all the time.”

What was the worst thing you’ve said on a Date?

What was the worst thing that you have said when you were out on a date?

Dating is a whole lot of ball game, they say. Why balls? Are women supposed to juggle them? Ask the guys.

Anyway, I remember at one time – I was asked out by a guy. Very randomly I said yes knowing that the first date was dancing-with-a-lot-of-flirting. It was so much fun!

During the course of the night while we were out standing in the bar, flirting, sipping my rose’ I said to myself, hmmm very boyfriend material. Why? He is cute, has a decent job, tall, and extremely funny. Funny, meaning his jokes actually make sense.

I know most women’s brain activity including myself would be during a date. 2% would just be automated response like “seriously?”, “really?”, “oh, seriously?”, “oh, really?”. We are not dumb beings but these again are automated responses like a recording because the other 98% of our brain is actually fantasizing how it would be like to spend the weekend with him. What will I wear when he will introduce me to his parents? How beautiful would I look on that huge white wedding dress? How many kids are we going to have? And so on… that is if you like the guy.

Many times it has happened to me that I would be a victim of myself thinking out loud. Through the course of our intimate conversations where I am supposed to be the mysterious chased damsel, I blurted out these words, “Would you like to be my boyfriend?” The politeness in him laughed and thought that I was joking. And the idiot in me even made things worse and added, “Seriously, I think you would be the excellent boyfriend material.”

The night went on with our usual flirtations and sexy dancing but obviously we never went out after that. I realized that 5 minutes after I said those words or things of pure stupidity. Blame it on the rose’.

Days passed and I could just not believe why I said that? Though it pays to speak your mind but believe me, NOT ALL THE TIME!

Whoever told you that, we should be ourselves and speak our mind? These are people who have been hurt so many times but not hurt enough to be out there and make the same mistakes again. Or I could be wrong. But of course it would still depend on certain, super-special, out-of-this-world cases.

Dating is a whole lot of ball game, they say. Why balls? Are we supposed to juggle them? Dating is a whole lot of ball game because in games, we need to work on our strategies.

What strategies would that be? I might just as well write them on my next blog. LOLZ

The New UAE Residence Visa Rule: A bane or a boon?

The new UAE Residence Visa Rule that was made in effect Jan 1, 2011 drew and has been drawing mixed reactions from people from different sectors.  There are some quarters that favor it and there are those that strongly oppose it.  Understandably, majority of business owners condemn it for reasons that stem from a business practical standpoint. I cannot blame them, however, I would rather dwell on how this new rule is perceived by people who come from the other end of the spectrum-  the employees.  

While this new rule can be regarded as a bane by most employers and business people (for obvious reasons), it definitely is a boon for employees. It is like music to the ears of working expats here. The UAE President, His Highness Shaikh Khalifa Bin Zayed Al Nahyan in his speech delivered on the National Day celebration in December 2010 stated that ‘the labor market reforms are a challenge the UAE is addressing as part of its human development process’.  Personally, it is such a welcome relief reading and hearing about this good news. This initiative by  the Ruler is generally seen to be very relevant at this point as  it is giving a clear signal to   not only the expat workers here but the international community as well that the UAE government is sincere about instituting reforms in the labor law to make it more sensitive and responsive to the plight of workers. It is beyond refute that the UAE Labor Law has been  so ‘pro-employer’ so much so that the employees cannot help but believe that they do not matter at all in the whole ‘labor equation’,  thereby making them feel  stripped of their dignity as workers. It is the same labor law that also enables employers and business owners to exploit the workers who just have to endure their predicament no matter how difficult it may be,  just merely for survival.   

The following are the   special features of the new resolution that everyone should keep in mind as they stipulate two imperative requirements or conditions for it to be upheld:
1. The two contracting parties must have ended their work relationship cordially;
2. The worker should have worked with his /her employer for at least two years — the duration of the new labor card which will be issued by early January.

It also  defines two cases in which the worker can obtain new work permit after the end of the job contract without the agreement of the contracting parties:

1.       When the employer fails to honour his legal or contractual obligations;

2.       In the event of expiry of a work relationship where the worker is not responsible for it, but there is a complaint filed by the worker against the firm, an inspection report should prove that the firm has been out of business for more than two months. As well, it should determine the worker has reported the same to the ministry.

It should also be borne in mind that the new resolution states that a new employment permit will only be granted to a worker after the end of his/her work relationship with his/her employer. But unlike before, it would not necessitate an automatic six-month ban which was usually calculated after the cancellation of the worker’s labor card.

On the premise that laws or labors laws for that matter are progressive in design and purpose, there is enough reason to hope that this signals the beginning of  periodic reforms in UAE Labor Laws  as the nation’s rulers  put  ‘the human development process’ part of their top priority.

We have sufficient reason to hope that sooner, this country will be a much better place to live and work in.

a sorrowful expat tale: death of a loved one back home

Since I became an expat more than 6 years ago, the thought of receiving sad news about the death of a loved one back home has never been totally elusive. Once in a while, it crosses my mind and everytime I get an international call from back home especially during an unexpected moment,  I feel a terrible feeling that is quite inexplicable until I hear what the other person has to say from the other end of the line. Same feeling I have  for unexpected text messages from  a relative back home until I get to read them. I have been quite successful in setting the thought aside and focus on more productive and positive thought processes though.

However, once in a while, real life experiences of people around us would serve as knockers.  This is the predicament that I am in at the moment. My dear friend and colleague lost her dear mother a few days back. While the cause of death was not instant (leukemia), there is no full preparation to losing a loved one that would completely insulate us from the sorrow that it brings. I knew the pain that she felt and still is feeling because I lost three loved ones before. But I know that the pangs that she is feeling now are deeper as she was not able to go home to see her mother. The moment she told me that she no longer has a mom, the sorrow and pain that I felt was automatic. Call it vicarious experience. I cried as she did.  Maybe, I was crying not just for her loss but for fear that it may happen to my life as well.  I know that she wanted to go home but the realities at work prevented her from making that choice. It is really sad and I am angry because 'the power that be' in her employment  could have done something to make it possible for her to go home. But sadly,  that was not the case.  This is the Middle East and this is not the Philippines.

I remember a story of one Filipina who worked as domestic helper for an Arab family in Abu Dhabi years back. One day she was informed about the suddent death of her very young daughter. She was begging  to be allowed to go home by her employer  but it all fell on deaf ears. She could not do anything as they had her passport. I cannot just imagine what she went through at that time. God forbids, but if it happens to me, I  am not sure what drastic decision and action I can possibly do.  I cannot fathom why there are people who can be too selfish and egocentric.

This is part of the reality of the life of some expatriates. There are those who are luckier to be part of a more humane work environment, others are not as lucky.

Lies make the world go round.

Lies make the world go round. Lying is NOT BAD! But before you discontinue reading this blog and hit the X button on the top left corner of the screen. Give yourself 2 more minutes and perhaps after that you might just be proud to call yourself a BIG LIAR.

Lies make the world go round and in fact it can be good for you and me! Lie is a type of deception in the form of untruthful statement with the intention to deceive, often with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, or to avoid punishment. (Wikipedia)

A lie is a lie is a lie. Right? Yes and No. This passé is not new to you, good lies and bad lies. White lies and Black lies. I will not talk about the lies that hurt and destroy relationships and lives – which we call black lies. But statements which spice up our daily bread and butter called white lies. They spice our lives and make the world go round!

A white lie is not supposed to hurt someone, it is supposed to protect him or her. In even a more personal scale, lying is a way of protecting ourselves. A person who claims that he speaks the truth all the time without fail – is a BIG LIAR! We lie to our boss, our friends, spouses, and children and even to ourselves. And most of the time we are not aware of it! Let me explain and cite examples:

Are any of these statements familiar to you?
• I will call you back. (even if you don’t have the intension of calling)
• I’m really glad to see you. (when you are really not, or it doesn’t matter)
• Which email? Which sms?
• Let’s get together some time. (Another way of saying, Goodbye with style)
• The traffic is extremely terrible today. (when you are late for an appointment)
• I’m great. (but your facial expression Darth Vader)
• How are you today? (even if you really don’t want to know)
• I’m in a meeting right now (when you want to avoid somebody)
• Nothing (when in fact, it is everything!)

Sounds familiar?

These are just words… what makes us untruthful person and separates us from being deceitful are our actions!

I want to be truthful to you in telling you that I AM A LIAR. And more often than not, I use these words everyday, not to hurt people, not to protect others and myself. It makes us feel good when somebody tells us the following (even we know they don’t mean it)

• You are the best in the business
• The food is great
• Your new hairstyle fits you
• You don’t look like your age
• Have you lost weight?
• You are a lucky man / woman
• Your children are really, really smart and cute.


When we hear these little lies, we also lie to ourselves by believing them. We feel nice and if we choose to believe them our spirits are lifted. Though we know that we really haven’t lost weight or our kids are not that smart but we like to listen and believe them. Any harm done? No, in fact it does more good than harm. And in turn, we tend to be nice and say the same little lies to the other person. It keeps marriages and relationships intact.

What if we are not capable of lying?
• When a husband says, I love you even if you are no longer beautiful.
• I think your nose it too big for your face.
• I don’t want to talk to you because I’m busy with something else.
• It’s none of your business (when somebody asks, How are you?)
• I think you gained twice as much since you started going to the gym!

It would destroy relationships, marriages and friendships. And in a much larger scale hurt the society. Imagine if politicians, agencies and governments will bluntly slap the truths in our faces…. It would be a disaster!

These little words, lies, or little chilly spices that we exchange everyday, helps us cope with the challenges and difficulties of everyday life. It wouldn’t be so bad to hear a little bit of lie, would it?

In the morning when I wake up, the very first thing I do is LIE to myself. And what the heck, it does perk me up! I affirm to myself each day that I am beautiful, amazing, happy and successful. And I just go about lying to everyone.

I AM A PROUD LIAR – I help make the world go round.

Are you a Liar?

residential property rental in dubai; the never-ending shifting from one residence to another

Now that I am two-and-a-half months away from ending my lease contract for my studio flat at Discovery Gardens, the idea about checking out the property market for the trend in  rental has become more pressing. I am reminded of the number of times I went through the same process of checking and  scaling the residential property market in the past and it surprised me to know that my length of stay in Dubai   has far been exceeded by the number of  times I have transferred residence.  In December 2004, from a 2-bedroom flat in Al Twar whose rental was around Dhs45,000 per annum, I transferred to a 3-bedroom flat in Port Saeed for Dhs65,000 per annum. After a 10-month stay, we were booted out by the real estate for the reason that we were not   'one family' as defined by the lease contract.  From there, in Oct 2005, we transferred to a 2-bedroom flat in a new building in Bur Dubai for Dhs65,000 plus a Municipality tax that to our computation would amount to 8-9% of the annual rent.  As we could barely manage the monthly rental in view of the fact that the rent kept on increasing while the salary was at a standstill, we all had to eventually vacate the flat and go separate ways. I found myself thereafter renting an old room at a very old villa in Jafliya near the DWTC roundabout and close to the Al Diyafa, Satwa area. To help me manage the expensive rent at Dhs2,800 per month, I had to put up a makeshift divider, place a one double deck bed and get 2 bedspacers.   For quite sometime, things were  going quite well  but came summertime, we encountered frequent cut of the electricity brought about by  the periodic shutting off of the circuit breaker due to overload. There were around 28 rooms that constitute the villa in that compound.  A few months after,  a bigger and major problem came. We were raided by Baladiya twice ordering us to leave as we were not a 'family' and that the area was designated only for 'family'.  I remember that after the first raid, we had to tear down the makeshift division and dismantle the double deck bed as ordered and then the following day had to put them back again. During the second visit of the Baladiya, finding the makeshift division and the double deck back again, we were ordered to vacate the place.  We were told to look for a residence in a place where 'bachelors living together' would be allowed.  It got us all very disappointed  and enraged as we somehow felt that the bachelors' need for shelter, which is very basic, was taken for granted by the government. We could only ask each other where the Dubai government wanted the bachelors to stay and what they wanted them to do given their predicament.

Eventually, I found a 2-bedroom flat in a new building in Al Qusais for Dhs104,000 plus a Municipality tax that was pegged at Dhs760 per month. It was April 2008, the peak of property boom in Dubai and a very opportune time for the greedy property owners and real estate agents to extort money from helpless expats from the lower income bracket. To help me manage the exhorbitant rent, I had to sub-lease one room and get bedspacers too. Sadly, the room tenant and some bedspacers did not pay their rent thereby leaving me struggling to fund the quarterly checks that amounted to Dhs26,000 each. After a year and two instances of bouncing checks, I had to end the lease and look for a cheaper place to stay. This was in the first quarter of 2009, around 4-5 months after Dubai was hit by the financial crisis.  This time, the property rental was on a continuous downward trend and some agents were amenable to a 12-check payment scheme.  With my niece and friends, we found a 2-bedroom flat in Al Nahda, Al Qusais for Dhs70,000 and under a 12-check payment scheme. Halfway through the one-year lease contract, we noticed that the property rental was on a continuous decline still and we could get a 2-bedroom flat in a more accessible area  for a much cheaper rent. However, a clause in the tenancy contract made it difficult for us to decide to do so as the clause stated that in the event that we pre-terminate the lease contract, we would be paying 10% of the total cost of the lease, which was Dhs7,000. The property owners found a way to protect themselves again and minister to their selfishness. By December of 2009, I had to leave my flatmates and stay in a flat maintained by my employer in The Gardens. By April 2010, I had to move out and eventually found a studio flat at Mogul Cluster (the remotest from the entrance) in Discovery Gardens for Dhs40,000 through a 12-check payment scheme.  However, after a few months, I found out that the rental for a studio flat with a wider floor area and in a more accessible location is much much cheaper and they also have a 12-check payment scheme. But if I leave my current place, I would have to pay a penalty charge with Al Nakheel Asset Mgt.

Come Apr 2011, I really have to move out as I anticipate that most likely,  Al Nakheel Asset Mgt.  will either increase  or retain the current rental. Either way, it is not practical and beneficial to me. As I have noticed in my research and in  scanning the property market rental for the last few days, the rental is much lower for a studio flat with wider floor area and in more accessible location.  I would have wanted  to stay in my current flat as it is very tiring to keep on moving out and shifting residence. But then again,  I have to be more practical.

I read in the papers a few months back that the Dubai government will make the Municipality tax mandatory for all buildings up for rent and this has to be borne just the same by the tenant and it will be pegged at 5% of the annual rental. Another burden passed on the shoulder of the helpless tenant when this should be born out by the property owner as has been practiced in other countries.

I remember talking to a finance expert 4 years ago (before the crisis hit Dubai) where he said that the Dubai property market will reach a point that it will correct itself and I suppose that time has come. I am sure property owners projected this as well, hence, they took advantage of the momentary property boom to get the most from helpless tenants  the fastest they could in a short span of  time. Gone are the days when propery owners and real estate agents made it very difficult for tenants through the exhorbitant rent they imposed and  arrogant tenancy conditions. Now is the time for tenants to dictate on the conditions and to some extent on the rent. The property market has corrected itself and  the supply now far exceeds the demand. The power has shifted to the other side of the pole. Property owners and real estate agents who do not recognize this are not grounded on reality.

The Psychology of Fear

My Own Fears

They say that ‘Of all the liars in the world, the worst are our own fears.’  While ‘worry’, as the next of kin of ‘fear” is the most destructive habit, ‘fear” is the greatest problem to overcome. Why? Because it is the same fear, the same crippling fear that feeds in itself that would make one  afraid to confront and overcome it.

I have fears of my own that I would like to tell you about. Do you have fears too?

Now let me tell you about my own fear.

Facilitating Anxiety

I am basically the nervous type of guy. But I would call it Facilitating Anxiety.  When there is something I need to do or when I have a responsibility to fulfill that would bring me out of my comfort zone, I tend to get anxious about it. As a result, I prepare ahead of time to manage the anxiety. I do not want to prolong the agony as it can sap my physical and emotional energy. To obviate that, I complete the task much ahead of time, and there goes the worry.

Debilitating Anxiety or Neurotic Fear

There is another type of Fear, which is Neurotic Fear. Some of its most concrete manifestations would relate to the person’s ‘fear of failing’.  A person who has been accustomed to succeeding can be a good candidate for this. It is the perfectionist orientation and self-serving pride that would make a person too focused on preserving his/her immaculate record and not staining his or her reputation with a single failure. This can be true of people whose self-worth is too dependent on what they achieve.

           

I also have this debilitating anxiety to some extent. But don’t get me wrong. It is not that I do not try. I would take the challenge more often than not, but my fear of failing, my fear of not doing it perfectly salvages my effort and chance to give my best shot and produce the best outcome I am capable of producing. Subsequently, I do  not try and risk as much as I believe I should. Somehow, I am not a good psychologist to myself. I need to remind myself of this precious lesson from the movie “The Running”, which suggests that ‘the object of the race is not winning the race but finishing it’. I need to constantly remind myself that it is not about ‘winning all the time’ that matters in  life.

Fear of failure

Who among of you are not afraid to fail? Who among of you never failed? Because failure is a dismal reality in life (well depending on how we see it anyway), fear of failure becomes commonplace. Human as we are, we may have  failed so many times that we would not remember all of them. We fell the first time we tried to walk, right? We nearly drowned the first time we tried to swim, didn’t we? How many of you play baseball or softball? Did we hit the ball the first time we swung a bat? Speaking of baseball, they say that the heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also strike out a lot.

Failure as an Opportunity to Shine

There are many exemplary Men & Women who turned the “fear of failure” into “courage in the midst of failure”. I would like to mention some of them here.

o                                Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but also hit 714 home runs.

• Eighteen publishers turned down Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston  Seagull  before Macmillan finally published it in 1970 and by 1975 it had sold more than 7 million copies in the US alone.
• Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he finally succeeded.
• It took more than 100 times for Thomas Alva Edison to come up with a perfect bulb.
• Abraham Lincoln lost eight elections, twice failed in business, and suffered a nervous breakdown before he became one of the greatest presidents of America.

What made these men prevail? It is their perspective that is positive

Hence, every time I am faced with a challenge that  I feel like turning my back from, I would recall in my mind the words of wisdom from some great people to give me courage.

·         Obstacles are those frightful things we see when we take our eyes of our goal. -  Henry Ford

·         I did not fail 100 plus times but I discovered 100+ ways of not making the perfect bulb. -  Edison

·         The path was worn and slippery. My foot slipped from under me, knocking the other out of the way, but I recovered and said to myself, “It’s a slip not a fall.”-  Abe Lincoln

Hence, the next time I take the challenge before me and it did not turn out as I expected it to be, I just have to remind myself that “It was a slip, not a fall.” And next time you guys find yourself in the same predicament,  you just have to say to yourself “It is a slip, not a fall”. And next time I am tempted to turn my back from opportunities because of ‘fear to fail’,  I have to remind myself that my fear is blinding my eyes to see the reality, and that I have to confront it head on, because “Of all the liars in the world, the worst are our own fears.”

the dubai debt woes and throes

To find oneself in a pit of financial turmoil is a psychologically devastating  and enervating experience on a daily basis. That is exactly the situation I am in at the moment. The same situation I have been in for the last two years. It seems like a vicious cycle to be in such a predicament and while there has been the intention on my part to honor my responsibilities, the banks make it more difficult for me. They or their agents used to be overly friendly or accommodating, and this was when they would do all they can to lure, coo, and woo prospective customers to excel in the stiff competition then. These banks are not willing to provide a restructuring scheme to their customers, even when the need for such is based on valid grounds. It seems like they would rather that the customers default on their payment and end up in jail.  How I wish to consolidate my debts via obtaining a loan with a bank but sadly,  given the size of my company,  despite its big monthly income,  it could not be listed and will not ever be. For the past year or so, I have been working and not enjoying my salary. There seems to be so much time and too many days left at the end of my money.  Had I the intention of running away from such responsibilities, I would have done it months ago. I would not have come back from my short vacation in May last year. But that is not the kind of person I am. I want to honor these obligations more for my principles and values in life than for anything else. Sometimes I get to tell myself that what is the point of working abroad if I cannot even support my basic necessities and much less save. It is totally pointless. But the thought of honoring my obligations is more important to me. I know the solutions to my debt woes could not be  found here. But I suppose that hearing people go through a similar experience can be therapeutic to me and may be,  they can be some source of support system. 

Need to retire now. Tomorrow is another day. I used to welcome day time but since my credit card woes, nighttime has been my friend. They do not call during nighttime as it is outside their office hours. Such are the throes of the debt woes in Dubai. Goodnight!

my Catholic Faith

From a psychoanalytic standpoint, when we find ourselves confronted at the moment with a reality that our current coping resources cannot adequately handle, we tend to regress. It is more of a defense coping mechanism and a natural reaction as well. Personally, when I am in such a predicament, I regress by wanting to go home to my province, to be with  my family, to be with my mother, and be comforted in her bosom. Simply being home is a therapy in and by itself. But as an expat, I cannot just do that. Where do I turn to? How do I regress then?

I am more fortunate compared to other expats in some Middle East countries where the practice of their Christian faith is prohibited. Hence, when I am deep deep down in my throes, I would want to be inside a physical Church and just stay there for quite sometime to say anything and everything I want to say to God and listen as well to what He is telling me. At the same time I make it a point to thank Him,  although human as I am it is difficult to do, for giving me some troubles as through this way I am able to share His sufferings and I am also being purified. But it is so hard to bear and sometimes I cannot help but complain. I am not a saint and though I know that all of us are called to be holy, doing so is such a tremendous challenge. But I keep on trying. I keep on failing and for every backsliding that takes place, I keep on trying to get up. It is a daily struggle on my part. But I am somehow thankful that God's grace is there. Pls. Lord be patient with me!

Welcome to My World

Where do I begin... This line captures  the first four words of the first  line of a very popular song in the mid 70's. I was a young boy then and the first time I heard the song, I instantly fell in love with it. It must have been the 'musician' in me that made me love the song. Or maybe, it must have been its melody. At any rate, there is something in me that got 'psychic-ized' that made me respond to that song the moment I heard it the first time in a manner I did. But, should the question be "Where"? or "How"? Perhaps the latter is more relevant. However, on second thoughts, this question is moot and academic now as I already have begun. I suppose "Where" as a question is what makes more sense now.

Where do I begin?  I know the answer. I should put what I think and feel at this very moment. I suppose this is the right starting point. What would follow  can either be linear-  progression or regression, future or past, or non-linear-  sideways and lateral. 

Lately, my life has been a roller-coaster ride. Today, at this very particular time,  I am at the lowest point of my ride.  I feel anxious, tense, and worried for a reason that is quite commonplace but yet very dangerous-  my credit card woes.  Commonplace in  the sense that in this part of the world where I live now, I am just one of the thousand cases., but when will the woes end? I can only hope and pray they will come soon. I breathe the credit card woes in and out, by the second, by the minute, by the hour, and by the day. Yet, I have never learned to fully insulate myself from the fear they cause me. I thought I have become immune but I am wrong. I just want this to end but at this point, I do not know how. There seems to be no clear solution at the moment and I do not see even a faintest ray of light at the end of the tunnel. God help me. I do not want to harbor any ill feelings toward anyone who has deceived me with money in the not so distant past.  I want to forgive and forget and move forward. I pray hard to God to help me genuinely forgive so that I will become an open vessel to His blessings and grace.  I rememer the homily of a priest two Sundays ago, where he told of an Indian man who forgave the man who stole the money that he saved as a future  dowry for his daughter.  That genuine forgiveness that he granted the thief made the latter return all the money he had stolen from the former because he was so consumed by guilt. This is what genuine forgiveness can do. Of course I do not expect these people to give me back or pay me back what they owe me. I could only hope, wish, and pray that they would.