Where do I begin... This line captures the first four words of the first line of a very popular song in the mid 70's. I was a young boy then and the first time I heard the song, I instantly fell in love with it. It must have been the 'musician' in me that made me love the song. Or maybe, it must have been its melody. At any rate, there is something in me that got 'psychic-ized' that made me respond to that song the moment I heard it the first time in a manner I did. But, should the question be "Where"? or "How"? Perhaps the latter is more relevant. However, on second thoughts, this question is moot and academic now as I already have begun. I suppose "Where" as a question is what makes more sense now.
Where do I begin? I know the answer. I should put what I think and feel at this very moment. I suppose this is the right starting point. What would follow can either be linear- progression or regression, future or past, or non-linear- sideways and lateral.
Lately, my life has been a roller-coaster ride. Today, at this very particular time, I am at the lowest point of my ride. I feel anxious, tense, and worried for a reason that is quite commonplace but yet very dangerous- my credit card woes. Commonplace in the sense that in this part of the world where I live now, I am just one of the thousand cases., but when will the woes end? I can only hope and pray they will come soon. I breathe the credit card woes in and out, by the second, by the minute, by the hour, and by the day. Yet, I have never learned to fully insulate myself from the fear they cause me. I thought I have become immune but I am wrong. I just want this to end but at this point, I do not know how. There seems to be no clear solution at the moment and I do not see even a faintest ray of light at the end of the tunnel. God help me. I do not want to harbor any ill feelings toward anyone who has deceived me with money in the not so distant past. I want to forgive and forget and move forward. I pray hard to God to help me genuinely forgive so that I will become an open vessel to His blessings and grace. I rememer the homily of a priest two Sundays ago, where he told of an Indian man who forgave the man who stole the money that he saved as a future dowry for his daughter. That genuine forgiveness that he granted the thief made the latter return all the money he had stolen from the former because he was so consumed by guilt. This is what genuine forgiveness can do. Of course I do not expect these people to give me back or pay me back what they owe me. I could only hope, wish, and pray that they would.
Where do I begin? I know the answer. I should put what I think and feel at this very moment. I suppose this is the right starting point. What would follow can either be linear- progression or regression, future or past, or non-linear- sideways and lateral.
Lately, my life has been a roller-coaster ride. Today, at this very particular time, I am at the lowest point of my ride. I feel anxious, tense, and worried for a reason that is quite commonplace but yet very dangerous- my credit card woes. Commonplace in the sense that in this part of the world where I live now, I am just one of the thousand cases., but when will the woes end? I can only hope and pray they will come soon. I breathe the credit card woes in and out, by the second, by the minute, by the hour, and by the day. Yet, I have never learned to fully insulate myself from the fear they cause me. I thought I have become immune but I am wrong. I just want this to end but at this point, I do not know how. There seems to be no clear solution at the moment and I do not see even a faintest ray of light at the end of the tunnel. God help me. I do not want to harbor any ill feelings toward anyone who has deceived me with money in the not so distant past. I want to forgive and forget and move forward. I pray hard to God to help me genuinely forgive so that I will become an open vessel to His blessings and grace. I rememer the homily of a priest two Sundays ago, where he told of an Indian man who forgave the man who stole the money that he saved as a future dowry for his daughter. That genuine forgiveness that he granted the thief made the latter return all the money he had stolen from the former because he was so consumed by guilt. This is what genuine forgiveness can do. Of course I do not expect these people to give me back or pay me back what they owe me. I could only hope, wish, and pray that they would.
I just read it now. Thank you for reminding me to forgive because this is what can truly liberate me from all my ill-feelings, anger, and hatred that I have to people.
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