See You In Heaven!

The year 2010 was the most painful and depressing year of my life. March 24, 2010 was the day when I lost my father. We call him Amang in my country the Philippines. I returned to Manila in June 2009 only to realize that I would be the caregiver of my Amang. He suffered from emphyzema, a lung disease due to excessive smoking. I was there to feed him, bathe him, wake up early in the morning to attend to him, watch him while he was sleeping to scare away the mosquitoes and make sure that his medicines were given on time. I don't have any regret nor feel bad about it because it was the sweetest and loving moment I had with my father. I even remember one time when we rushed him to the hospital, he was running after his breath and by the grace of God he survived that struggle. I whispered to him and said, I LOVE YOU AMANG AND I AM THANKFUL TO GOD THAT YOU ARE STILL HERE WITH ME.

When I was younger, I had a lot of issues with my Amang. I grew up seeing him smoking and drinking with his beermates practically everyday. There was even a time when he embarrassed me in front of them and I was crying in shame and pity. I also witnessed how he humiliated my sister and younger brother too. It was very painful because I never expected that the person who should shower me with all the love and affection in this world was the person who gave me all the pain and suffering I don't deserve. But despite of it all, I LOVE AND MISS MY AMANG VERY MUCH. I know that he is my father that God has given me.

On July 27, 2010, my mother whom we call Inang passed away too. It was very unexpected because my mother was never treated for any disease at all except for her excruciating rheumatism. I have plenty of good and loving memories of my Inang. When I was a high school student, she said that I had to stop studying because they could not afford to send me to school anymore. I begged and cried to her and said that I don't want to stop schooling. Because of her unfathomable love and concern for me, she did everything so that I would be able to continue my studies. My mother was a balut (egg) vendor and every night I would join her selling balut on the street until midnight just to have money for my schooling the next day. She never got tired of working hard just to provide for the needs of the family. She would go to the point of borrowing money or items from people just to provide for her children. I remember her sharing that she wanted to study when she was young but her old folks didnt want to send her to school. She had a lot of sad stories to share and everytime I hear it, I feel very, very sad for my Inang. She is my number 1 fan. Everytime I would sing at home with my Magicsing, she would affirm me with all good words and praises and would clap everytime I finish a song. Eventhough it's hard for her to stand, she would carry her body just to please me to be my dancing partner. I would end up hugging and kissing her until she would ask me to assist her to sit down.

When I saw her dying, it was the most painful feeling of my life because I could not bear the sight of seeing her suffer and the reality that I was losing her. She had always been and still is my inspiration in everything that I do. But now that she is gone, I hope I am still making her proud.

Now that my Inang and Amang are both gone, I feel at times empty and sad because I grew up seeing and feeling their love and presence. Inang, Amang, I know that you are always there to guide us and most especially pray for us. I will try my best to be worthy of the blessing of seeing you again one day and still be my parents in heaven. I LOVE YOU BOTH AND I THANK GOD FOR HAVING YOU AS MY PARENTS.

See you in heaven!