In His time, in His time
He makes all things beautiful in His time
God’s timing is perfect all the time. His is ‘the right time all the time’. I know this and as a believer, I have accepted this fully and unconditionally, or so I thought. But the weakling Christian in me makes me doubt this each time I find myself in a wearisome situation that would always be a consequence of my past decisions and actions. While I know that I should listen to and discern God’s holy will before I take a shot, the obstinate person and idiotic risk-taking venturesome spirit that I am would decide and do based on my conceptualizaton of events in my life, totally oblivious to God’s prompting through His Holy Spirit. Yet when I am at the moment confronted with the ramifications of my past folly, I turn to God to bring me out of the same mess that I myself created. And if He does not seem to respond in a manner and at a time I so prescribe, I would throw tantrums like a child to his father when the latter would deprive him of his whims. How stupid I am and what right do I have to be demanding? God does not owe me anything and whatever I ask that He gives, He does so not because He owes me or I deserve it but because He loves me. I do not merit anything from God no matter how straight the life that I may have been leading is (only for the sole purpose of discussion), hence, I can only beg for His grace and mercy. Yet, I demand for help from Him as if I have all the right in this world to do so. Maybe it is because I am bound by my construal of my relationship with Him as akin to that between a father and his son, as God being a Father is one of my best metaphors of Him.
For the past one year or so, I have been going through one of the most difficult trials in my life if not the most difficult so far. All throughout this time, I have been turning to God, praying to Him, and asking for His grace and mercy to help me throughout all these troubled times. Yet, the impatient spoiled brat in me would feel disconsolate and would resort to blaming Him if I do not get the help I expect from Him at the time frame that I specified. And while I sulk like a spoiled tot to his sire, at the end of the day, I would surrender my pride and turn back to Him as I have no other recourse. It has always been like this for quite some time now. Lately though, I have started to see good things coming through as God has started to use people and events as instruments to minister to me His amazing grace and undying love. The moment I started to realize that God has brought answers to my prayer, I started feeling guilty and remorseful that I ever doubted His faithfulness and love. This has always been the kind of relationship I have with Him and despite how He proved His love and faithfulness to me in the past, every time I find myself in a thorny quandary and feeling dispirited, I would sulk in the corner of my own little world and blame Him for abandoning me.
This time again, God has proven me wrong and I feel so shameful for being so frail in my faith. When will I ever learn? What face do I have to show Him this time yet again?
Lord please show me everyday
As You’re teaching me Your way
That You do just what You say
In Your TIME
God loves you very much no matter what. It's okay to feel bad because that's how any relationship I think is. I pray that you may continue to feel and live God's love everyday of your life. In His perfect time, everything will happen. You are one person I know who has a kind and genuine heart. Just believe in your goodness and kindness and God will lead you to the right path in His time:)
ReplyDeletepriceless expression of emotions mate :)
ReplyDeletei think this is your Inner Child, Long (are you Long? :-). you have to accept him because that is you. the point is not to give up the relationship. act on the self-realization as best you can in order for the relationship to grow slowly but surely -- from that of a child to that of an adolescent to that of an adult. the movement of the locus of control from external to internal is also a good guide. while god wants to be called a father, he also -- like a good father -- wants us to grow and become independent in the sense of using the gifts he has given us to make our mark in the world, to do good, to co-create (yeah! that's the word) reality in our lives, to turn fable and fairy tale to reality.
ReplyDeleteps: if what i'm saying doesn't make sense, don't force yourself to understand it. take only what you can "swallow" or "bite" at the present.
god the father be praised! god is good, all the time -- even in "bad times". moreover, as i also lately realized, "god is god", i,e,, his thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways and so, it is normal to "misunderstand" him. it is not always easy to atune to his "vibrations". this would be enough for now. :-)
yup jun this is moi (me). you are right. i have to grow and mature in my relationship with Him, and being so means being responsible for my thoughts, decisions, and actions while at the same making Him the center of my life both in good times and bad times. i agree with everything that you wrote. they are and have been a part of my cognitive dimension but i suppose they remain at that level and they hardly find their manifestations in my actions. your reminder is very valuable to me. i have to live what i believe in. leading or trying to lead a Christian life is a constant struggle for me, but God is by my side to understand me and help me by constantly pouring out His grace.
ReplyDeletekhadri, thanks a lot
ReplyDeleteThanks Holy Weak! thanks for being so affirming. i treasure it
ReplyDelete